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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number ofnew shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number ofnew shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
The line chart compares the
number
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 of
closure
Fix the agreement mistake
closures
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 and
openings
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, displayed by a solid line and a dashed line respectively, from 2011 to 2018 in a particular country.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of both new and closed shops saw an
overall
Linking Words
 decrease,
while
Linking Words
 shop
closures
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Use synonyms
number
Check wording
apply
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experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
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 a dramatic variation. In 2011, the count of shop
openings
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 was around 8500, compared to nearly 6500 shop
closures
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. Over the following
the
Correct article usage
apply
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three years, opened market total
Linking Words
firstly
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first
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 increased by over 50%,
then
Linking Words
 consecutively increased to 6000 roughly
,
Punctuation problem
. Likewise
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likewise
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of
closures
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 slightly dropped by 500 at
start
Correct article usage
the start
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, and rose to 7000 roughly before
fall
Replace the word
falling
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 to the same level
of
Change preposition
as
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Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the openings
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openings
Fix the agreement mistake
opening
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 count. In the year 2015,
Use synonyms
openings
Fix the agreement mistake
opening
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 volume fell to 4000 before levelling off at that
through
Check wording
level through
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 2017.
By comparison
Linking Words
, the figure for
closures
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 significantly plunged to one tenth of its 2014 value, hitting the lowest point,
then
Linking Words
 steeply grew to 5000. By 2018,
closures
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number
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 stood at 5000, experiencing a modest drop in 2017,
while
Linking Words
openings
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 total declined to 3000, lower than that of
closures
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, openings, closures with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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