IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekend
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It is considered by some
people
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 that the working duration should be cut short and workers deserve a longer weekend. In my opinion, I agree that
people
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 should enjoy a longer vacation as they can
balance
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work
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 and
life
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 better and develop a harmonious
society
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.
Firstly
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, compared to the
last
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 decade, nowadays citizens have more pressure on
work
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 or study
due to
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 increasing competition
such
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 as job shortages and rising living costs around their daily lives.
That is
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 to say, it is harder to
balance
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 tedious
work
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 and take pleasure in
life
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.
Employees
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 who are hard-working should
also
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 have enough personal time to spend on family and entertainment activities for taking a rest.
For instance
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, a worker who contributed many efforts to the company deserves an extended holiday as a reward so that he or she could bring more benefits to the organization.
Additionally
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, an organization that doesn't care about its staff will hardly be successful.
Secondly
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, it is a good way to build a harmonious
society
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 if the public can feel more happiness in the country. Today,
employees
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 must
work
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 for 8 hours 5 days and only have 2 days to get relax which is a relatively limited period to spend time with families and enjoy their own
life
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. To make it clear, a person's
life
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 should not be just about
work
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 as is it only a part of
life
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.
For example
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, a company
that is
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 willing to give its
employees
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 more rest time or vacation is more likely to retain valuable talent because it is able to meet members' needs for
work
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-
life
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balance
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.
To sum up
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,
although
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people
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's opinions vary, I am convinced that extending
people
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's
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
show examples
 is very beneficial to individuals, companies and
society
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 because it can satisfy
employees
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' need for
life
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balance
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, help companies retain talent and help create a more harmonious
society
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.
Submitted by bubblehead1213 on

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Writing Style
Try to vary your sentence structures more to make your essay more engaging.
Content
Consider refining some of your points to be more concise.
Language
Include a few more advanced vocabulary words to show a stronger command of the language.
Ideas
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, addressing the prompt effectively.
Examples
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your main points.
Structure
The essay has a clear logical structure with a strong introduction and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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