IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is a good idea for people to continue working in an old age, if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the topic of the elderly continuing to
work
Use synonyms
 has become a broad issue for the general public. Some people argue that
this
Linking Words
 is impossible
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, it seems to me that they may still have a simple job that
suitable
Verb problem
is suitable
show examples
 for them. On the one hand, it is essential to acknowledge that individuals ought to
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
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 the advantages that seniors have in employment. In fact, they reduce the number of jobs available in the marketplace, which underscores that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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older adults can
work
Use synonyms
 in one job is not suit for a younger person.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can
work
Use synonyms
 some careers like
security
Correct article usage
a security
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 guard,
housewife
Correct article usage
a housewife
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, odd jobs, etc.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another important point to highlight is that
work
Use synonyms
a
Verb problem
provides a
show examples
crucial sense of purpose, routine, and identity that can often be lost upon full retirement.
This
Linking Words
 arises from the fact that
Remaining
Fix capitalization
remaining
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 employed keeps older individuals mentally engaged and sharp, which is essential for maintaining cognitive health.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is important to consider the opposing viewpoint to consider that elderly individuals should not
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
. A significant factor to explore
that
Verb problem
is that
show examples
 they should be relaxed and
priority of
Replace the word
prioritise
show examples
 personal health and happiness, which underscores that the bodies and minds of older adults require rest and recuperation. Continuing to
work
Use synonyms
 can lead to prolonged stress and potentially exacerbate health conditions that naturally increase with age. What is more, the continued presence of older workers in their positions can create negative repercussions for the younger workforce. In fact,
this
Linking Words
 can lead to frustration and a shortage of opportunities for recent graduates, who bring with them the most up-to-date skills and knowledge. In conclusion, I believe that for those who are healthy, continuing to
work
Use synonyms
 in old age is a beneficial choice. It not only keeps seniors active and engaged but
also
Linking Words
 allows society to keep their valuable expertise.

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task response
The essay has good aim and a view is said in the end. Give a clear start line to say what you will talk about. Make two clear parts in the body: one for yes, one for no. End with a short pass of your view.
coherence cohesion
Link the ideas with simple words like 'also', 'but', 'and', 'but also'. Try to group each idea in a short line. Use fewer long sentences to keep the flow easy to read.
task response
The writer shows both sides of the issue.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear final line that states the view.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive decline
  • Mental and emotional well-being
  • Social interaction
  • Financial stability
  • Sense of purpose
  • Self-worth
  • Physical health
  • Skill utilization
  • Experience
  • Flexible working hours
  • Generational gap
  • Elderly individuals
  • Retirement
  • Workplace
  • Economic contribution
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