IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Most countries want to improve standard of living through economic development, however others think social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 desire to improve the
criteria
Check wording
quality
show examples
 of living
due to
Linking Words
 technology and economic advances with each passing day. Others think
this
Linking Words
 will lead to social value lost. In my opinion, I completely agree with the former view, and more advantages than disadvantages of economic
development
Use synonyms
. There are two main reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 want to improve
standard
Correct pronoun usage
their standard
show examples
 of living through economic
development
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, promoting the quality of their
life
Use synonyms
 was helpful to reveal their
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 status in the modern city.
However
Linking Words
, some different ways can perform high-quality,
for example
Linking Words
, buying something that was from fashion and luxury brands or eating an expensive meal
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, as economic growth was faster than before, a majority of
people
Use synonyms
 used money in daily
life
Use synonyms
, enhancing
self-ability
Use the right word
their ability
show examples
, not only changing items which they usually use but
also
Linking Words
 altering their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. Economic advancement has a variety of advantages,
such
Linking Words
 as increasing the ability
of spending
Change preposition
to spend
show examples
 and
supplying
Verb problem
providing
show examples
 more employment to the public. When
people
Use synonyms
 have their own preferred level of consumption, our nation becomes more and more strong. What’s more, other adults consider that
will
Correct pronoun usage
it will
show examples
 influence social value. In my view, I think it isn’t a big deal when the public enhances their
life
Use synonyms
 level, but both economic
development
Use synonyms
 and social value are important nowadays. In conclusion, economic
development
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 we can gain better quality and ability
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
this
Linking Words
. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view. Because many
people
Use synonyms
 like to improve their standard of living in contemporary society.

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task response
Your view is clear, but you should show more on the bad side of growth and give a simple weight in the end.
coherence cohesion
Use more clear links to show how each idea leads to the next; keep sentences short.
task response
Clear position and basic structure (intro, body, conclusion).
coherence cohesion
Some linking words like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' are used.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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