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Writing Samples
Band 8

The charts below show the results of s survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most hanppay

The charts below show the results of s survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most hanppay
The pie charts provide key information about what
people
Use synonyms
 of different age groups say makes them happiest. The units are measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that the highest ratio for happiness for
people
Use synonyms
 under 30 was achievement at work, about 31%.
People
Use synonyms
 who are happy when doing hobbies illustrated 22 per cent. After that, there were
people
Use synonyms
 having a good appearance represented 18%. Travelling and other factors had the lowest percentages in
this
Linking Words
 graph.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown in the second pie graph, for the question of what makes
people
Use synonyms
 over 30 most happiest? as we showed, achievement at work
also
Linking Words
 represents the highest percentage , nearly 32%. Doing hobbies achieved a quarter per cent approximately 24%. The third factor in the reason individuals over 30 are happy is financial security.
Also
Linking Words
, being with family is the main reason for some
people
Use synonyms
 to be happy and relaxed, arriving at 14%. There were other factors representing 10%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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