IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some argue that governments should prioritize lowering environmental pollution and housing issues in order to prevent illness and disease. do you agree or disagree?

It is undeniable that air
pollution
Use synonyms
 and poor housing have a negative impact on society.
While
Linking Words
 some people think that governments should prioritise lowering environmental
pollution
Use synonyms
 and housing
issues
Use synonyms
 to prevent diseases, there is an opposing argument.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss why I firmly agree with the first notion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, environmental
pollution
Use synonyms
 generates many health problems.
For example
Linking Words
, cancer, breathing problems, early death, and a weaker immune system are some of the
consequenes
Correct your spelling
consequences
 of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
In addition
Linking Words
, investment in solving polluted air lowers future governmental expenses. To illustrate, working on tackling
this
Linking Words
 issue not only
protect
Correct subject-verb agreement
protects
show examples
 people's health but
also
Linking Words
 reduces the amount of money that will be spent on curing diseases in the future. Another point to consider is poor housing conditions, as they are
also
Linking Words
 associated with having diseases. It is possible to say that houses with
mold
Change the spelling
mould
show examples
, damp, or cold atmospheres contribute to making people sick.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent study pointed out that housing
issues
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as those mentioned above lead to skin irritation, eczema, and many other illnesses.
This
Linking Words
 shows how not prioritising these obstacles leads to having many health
issues
Use synonyms
. Allocating a certain budget to tackle
environemental
Correct your spelling
environmental
pollution
Use synonyms
 and poor housing does not mean to reduce the importance of investing in other sectors. It means that we have to focus on these
issues
Use synonyms
, so they do not consume huge efforts and expenditures in the future. Prevention through clean air and good homes saves money in the long run and helps many individuals earlier. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some might argue that we must spend money on hospitals and jobs, I believe that reducing
pollution
Use synonyms
 and improving housing should
also
Linking Words
 be a priority because it stops illness and helps the country in the long term.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Add a clear plan in the first paragraph so the reader knows your view and what you will say.
coherence
Improve link words to tie ideas. Use words like 'first', 'also', 'in addition', 'however', 'for example' to show flow.
coherence
Make the opposing view stronger and then give a clear counter. This makes your stance clear.
task response
Give more facts or data as proof for points like how pollution costs money later.
grammar
Keep sentences simple and short. Check spelling and phrase use.
structure
Your essay has a clear view and ends with a conclusion that restates your main idea.
content
You give some good examples and link them to health issues.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pollution
  • housing
  • illness
  • disease
  • prevent
  • reduce
  • health
  • care
  • cost
  • spend
  • money
  • policy
  • government
  • air
  • water
  • soil
  • damp
  • mold
  • crowding
  • housing
  • buildings
  • rules
  • plan
  • fund
  • benefit
  • risk
  • evidence
  • example
  • long‑term
  • short‑term
  • priority
  • balanced
  • environment
  • safety
  • well‑being
  • life
  • work
  • public
  • policy
  • economic
  • budget
  • invest
  • infrastructure
  • promotion
  • prevention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: