IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You saw an advert in the newspaper asking for volunteers to help run a charity event Write a letter of application to the organizers. In your letter: Explain why you are interested in helping Give details of suitable experience suggest ways you might help with the event.

#advert #newspaper #volunteers #charity #event #application #organizers
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Dear organizers, First of all, I would like to thank you for being so kind and organising
such
 a helpful event and
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 am pretty sure that
this
gonna
Wrong verb form
is going to
show examples
 help a lot of needy
people
. Yesterday, I saw an Advertisement regarding a charity event felt so blessed and excited to participate as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 was looking for some local charities to donate food to every week. I am very much interested in helping
people
 because nowadays
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 have seen a lot of
people
 suffering from inflammation and they are struggling to survive and some of them can't even afford their grocery expenses. My expertise is in communications and organizing events, which will be very helpful in organizing food banks and educating
people
 to help the needy. I have a couple of ideas in mind we can place our food bank buckets at grocery stores in the town
as well as
 we can request other stores to place our QR code so
people
 can donate money to help basic needs for the needy
people
.
Furthermore
, we can discuss some more ideas. At
last
, please consider me as a part of your team I am more than happy to help. Yours Faithfully Alex Singh
Submitted by shubhdeepkaur2 on

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Task Response
To improve in the task response criterion, ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses a specific aspect of the task prompt. Your letter has all the necessary components, but you can enhance clarity by dedicating separate paragraphs to explaining your interest, detailing your experience, and suggesting specific ways to help.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your ideas more neatly within paragraphs. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that indicates the paragraph’s focus. Additionally, transition phrases can help in smoothly connecting your ideas, making your letter easier to follow.
Greeting and Closing
Greeting and conclusion are well written, but ensure that the tone throughout your letter aligns with the formal nature of a letter of application. Avoid colloquial language and maintain a consistent formal tone. Addressing the organizers in a respectful manner and signing off with a proper closing are good practices.
Single Idea per Paragraph
When suggesting ways you might help with the event, be as specific as possible. Detailing how your skills and experience directly apply to the needs of the charity event will make your application stand out. Include any previous event you’ve organized or participated in that closely relates to what this charity event aims to accomplish.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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