Some people believe that school children should be given money as a reward for academic excellence. Others argue that this is a bad idea. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

While
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some people contend that school children should be given
money
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as a reward for academic excellence, others maintain that
this
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is a detrimental idea.
This
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essay will discuss both the arguments for using monetary incentives and the counterarguments against them before offering a final personal opinion. On the one hand, earning
money
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for achieving academic success can be an excellent incentive for doing more work than necessary.
For example
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, studies of the University
Konstanz
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of Konstanz
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stated that people work harder and are more focused when faced with a problem if they get a reward based on the
effort
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and effectiveness of their solution.
In addition
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to
this
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, handling
money
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helps children to gain financial literacy and
also
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teaches them real-world economic principles.
Therefore
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, rewarding
students
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with
money
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based on their success can not only motivate them to strive for higher grades but
also
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give them an early understanding of how
money
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is earned through consistent
effort
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and productivity.
On the other hand
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, receiving
money
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for academic success can undermine intrinsic
motivation
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and create inequity.
This
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means the focus shifts away from genuine learning and understanding of subjects, becoming solely about making
money
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with minimal
effort
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.
This
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not only drives the purpose of education in a different direction but
also
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harms
students
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with learning difficulties.
For instance
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, a student with natural aptitude may outperform one
that
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who
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requires significant time and
effort
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to learn the same information.
This
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inevitably leads to a separation between high-achieving and struggling
students
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. In summary, there is a high possibility that
students
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will only work for financial gain, leaving less academically fortunate
students
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behind and creating inequity at a young age. In conclusion,
while
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financial incentives offer tangible
motivation
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and teach children about real-world economics,
this
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practice risks undermining intrinsic
motivation
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and creating deep social inequity. I firmly believe that intrinsic
motivation
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is far more important, as it stems from the individual themselves and sustains a lifelong pursuit of learning, unlike a fleeting external reward.

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Structure
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Clarity
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Accuracy
Check key facts and use only true or common facts.
Task response
Add a short view in the last paragraph that restates the view.
Structure
Good plan with clear intro, two body parts, and a clear ending.
Coherence
Link words are used, which helps flow.
Task response
The final opinion is clear and linked to the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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