IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

many people believe that zoos have no purpose in today's world and should be closed. What problems do zoos bring? What are the alternatives to zoos if they are closed?

The role of
zoos
Use synonyms
 in contemporary society is a subject of intense debate.
Although
Linking Words
 they were once considered vital for entertainment and education,more and more people now argue that they are ethnically problematic.
This
Linking Words
 passage will show the significant issues associated with
zoos
Use synonyms
 and give some alternatives to
zoos
Use synonyms
 if they are closed.
Problems
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
that appeared
show examples
appeared
Wrong verb form
appear
show examples
 in
zoos
Use synonyms
already
Rephrase
apply
show examples
are
most
Replace the word
mostly
show examples
 about
concerning
Verb problem
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
 welfare and conservation ethics.The majority of them could be divided into three classifications.
Firstly
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,the excessive protection of wild
animals
Use synonyms
.Almost all of the
animals
Use synonyms
 were living in the wild before being
protect
Wrong verb form
protected
show examples
 in
zoos
Use synonyms
.They develop and improve their survival
skiils
Correct your spelling
skills
 during the process of prediction and self-preservation.
However
Linking Words
,with the overprotection of humans,
aninmals
Correct your spelling
animals
 in
zoos
Use synonyms
 don't have worries surviving and
also
Linking Words
 lose their ability to adapt
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
nature
Replace the word
natural
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 world.Second,psychological
problems
Use synonyms
 of
animals
Use synonyms
.In order to ensure the safety of both
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 and
animals
Use synonyms
,
fence
Fix the agreement mistake
fences
show examples
 are always set in
zoos
Use synonyms
.But apparently it's
rediculous
Use the right word
ridiculous
show examples
 to limit
aome
Correct your spelling
some
animals
Use synonyms
 that should have run freely in the wilderness in
such
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 a narrow place.Third,the alienation of zoo functions.Nowadays,a lot more
zoos
Use synonyms
aren't
Verb problem
don't
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 just want to protect,but
also
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getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 benefits.As the commercial function of the zoo is getting stronger,the necessity of
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 development is doubtful. If the zoo is going to be closed,there are still some alternatives.
Firstly
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,wildlife
sancuaries
Correct your spelling
sanctuaries
 and
natual
Correct your spelling
natural
 reserves offer a better
chioce
Correct your spelling
choice
.Unlike
zoos
Use synonyms
,these facilities primarily rescue injured or abandoned
animals
Use synonyms
 and provide them a better place to rest with minimal human interaction.For pubic education,the VR technologies
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 an innovative idea.In
this
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 new era,we need high technologies
empowering
Wrong verb form
to empower
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 education.
Finally
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,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 could support more in-situ conservation programmes
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
by setting policies or investing,which is a more direct and effective way to ensure the survival of endangered species. All in all,
while
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zoos
Use synonyms
 were historically important,they have raised concerns in modern society.Without
doubt
Correct article usage
a doubt
show examples
 that
problems
Use synonyms
 should be taken into consideration seriously.By
analyzing
Change the spelling
analysing
show examples
 the
problems
Use synonyms
 they have
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may have in future,and
also
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 providing more alternatives can
also
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 help.Society always
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to foster a better nature world.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first line and keep this view in all your writing.
coherence
In each paragraph, have one main idea. Put a new idea in a new paragraph.
coherence
Use clear linking words to show add, contrast, or result. For example: first, next, but, so, therefore.
grammar
Check spelling and small grammar mistakes. Use short, simple sentences.
evidence
Give one or two simple examples to back up each point.
structure
The essay has a clear plan with an intro, body parts and a conclusion.
content
Some ideas are clear and on topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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