Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together

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It is true that a rich variety of musical styles can be found around the world.
Music
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is a vital part of all human cultures, and I would agree that
music
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is a good approach to bringing people of different nations and ages together.
Music
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is something that accompanies all of us throughout our lives. As children, we are taught songs by our parents and teachers as a means of learning language, or simply as a form of enjoyment. Children delight in singing with others, and it would appear that the act of singing in a group creates a connection between participants, regardless of their age. Later in life, crowds’ musical preferences develop, and we come to see our favourite songs as part of our life stories. The pieces express and arouse emotions in a way that words alone cannot. In
this
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way, melody would integrate people of different ages successfully. In my opinion, operas should be valued in terms of the international tune that has become so popular. International
music
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is often catchy and fun, it is essentially a commercial product
that is
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marketed and sold by businesses. Some of these pieces express the culture, customs and history of a country in innovative ways,
such
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as the traditional styles including classical
music
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elements, connect us to the past and form part of our cultural identity.
Therefore
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, sharing a melody would be a good way to enhance the coherence of people from different cultures. In conclusion,
music
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is a necessary component of human existence, and I believe that the participation of operas should be given importance in bringing the public in different countries and ages together.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to illustrate your points about different styles of music or cultures. This could help strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Try to create clearer transitions between paragraphs for a more fluid reading experience, which can improve coherence.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear personal opinion on the topic, demonstrating an original perspective.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion about music's role in uniting people across cultures and ages.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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