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Band 6

Most people today communicate through mobile phones and computers, reducing face-to-face interactions. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays there are many who are relying on devices
such
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 as mobile phones to communicate with
people
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 as it is more reliable and easier despite the distance.
Although
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 the benefits, there are some disadvantages
such
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 as reduced
in person
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in-person
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 interactions and clear expressions of ideas, which can outweigh the advantages . On the one hand, there are advantages to using technologies
such
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 as smartphones and computers as a form of
communication
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. One clear advantage is that by using
such
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 devices,
communication
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 is much more accessible despite the distance.
People
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 can connect with their loved ones wherever they might be even if they are in the two ends of the world.
In addition
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, in a busier world where individuals don't have the time to set aside, technology has made
communication
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 easier in their busy schedules.
For instance
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, messages now can be sent instantly via email or mobile apps, saving individuals enough time.
On the other hand
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, despite the benefits of technology making life easier, there is a disadvantage of reduced face-to-face interactions.
This
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 is because families often rely more upon
such
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form
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forms
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 of medium to communicate that they forget to have meaningful conversations in their household.
Moreover
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, these devices have made
people
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 lose the skill of listening to others, and clearly expressing ideas that are important.
For instance
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, during the
covid
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COVID
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 pandemic, when online forms of
communication
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 were preferred as
people
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 had to stay at home, students often found it difficult to interact with their friends after the pandemic. In conclusion,
while
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 technology enhances
communication
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 by making it accessible and convenient for others, it often leads to reduced meaningful interaction and limited expression of ideas.
Overall
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, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages as the quality of
communication
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 is far more important than mere conversations.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that explicitly states your opinion on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow between your ideas and paragraphs. This can help strengthen coherence.
task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are fully developed and supported with relevant examples; for instance, elaborating on the impact of reduced face-to-face interactions could strengthen your argument.
content
You have a clear understanding of both sides of the argument regarding technology and communication.
structure
Your ideas are generally well organized, with paragraphs focusing on specific aspects of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interactions
  • face-to-face
  • communication
  • globalized world
  • long-distance relationships
  • social ties
  • emotional cues
  • isolation
  • understandings
  • body language
  • cyberbullying
  • digital privacy
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • perspectives
  • cultural exchange
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