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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the number of Catholics residing in different nations.

The graph below gives information about the number of Catholics residing in different nations.
The bar chart displays the population of
Catholics
Use synonyms
 living in distinct countries(China, India,
Philippines
Use synonyms
, Vietnam,
Korean
Use the right word
Korea
show examples
 and Japan) in two different years(2010 and 2013).
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 has
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
Catholics
Use synonyms
 in both years. The population of
Catholics
Use synonyms
 increased in India, China and Japan,
whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it saw a decrease in
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, Vietnam and Korea between 2010 and 2013. Starting with China,
this
Linking Words
 country saw a huge increase in the community of
Catholics
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 climbed from 9
Use synonyms
Million
Fix capitalization
million
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 in 2010 to 15
Use synonyms
Million
Fix capitalization
million
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 in the year 2013. India is
also
Linking Words
 in the list of rising
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 of
Catholics
Use synonyms
 , which
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
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 gradually from about 10
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Million
Fix capitalization
million
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 in
year
Check wording
apply
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2010 to 19
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Million
Fix capitalization
million
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 in 2013.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 ,
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
Catholics
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 residing
Japan
Change preposition
in Japan
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enlarged
Verb problem
increased
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 by about 20% standing at a solid 5 hundred thousands in 2013. Talking about decline ,
Linking Words
firstly
Punctuation problem
firstly,
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 the most populated Catholic country ,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
Philippines
Punctuation problem
Philippines,
show examples
 saw a small drastic in its population from approximately 76
Use synonyms
Million
Fix capitalization
million
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 to 72
Use synonyms
Million
Fix capitalization
million
show examples
 in 2010 and
2013
Punctuation problem
2013,
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 respectively .
Secondly
Linking Words
 , Vietnam
witness
Correct subject-verb agreement
witnesses
show examples
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
Catholic
Correct article usage
the Catholic
show examples
 community, resulting in 5.3
Use synonyms
Million
Fix capitalization
million
show examples
Catholics
Use synonyms
 in the nation.
Lastly
Linking Words
 , Korea
sawa
Correct your spelling
saw a
huge
go down
Check wording
drop
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
Catholics
Use synonyms
 from mighty 5.2
Million
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 to 1.2
Million
Use synonyms
 only

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words catholics, philippines, number, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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