IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In recent years, there has been a growing recognition of the popularity of migrating to urban
areas
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, leading to the number of rural populations declining incredibly. From my standpoint, I gravitate toward those who believe
this
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 is a positive trend.
This
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 essay will expound upon
this
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 by providing compelling reasons and practical examples. On the one hand, it is undeniable that migrating to big
cities
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 brings numerous advantages. Specifically, working is of decisive importance. In today’s world, most big companies are operating in urban
areas
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, leading to the requirement of a large number of workers.
Thus
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, it paves the way for ease of looking for lucrative career opportunities. An example relating to
this
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 situation is Sai Gon, which is a city in Vietnam, that has the highest migrator numbers, as it is considered that Sai Gon is a place for golden job opportunities, meaning that it is simple to find jobs there.
On the other hand
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, some people are of the opinion that it causes an imbalance in economic distribution, leading to discrimination between layers in
this
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 complex society.
However
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, there are many methods which can be used to deal with
this
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 problem. To be more precise, authorities could provide money which is received from workers’ personal income tax to the rural
areas
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 to equally enhance the nationwide economy so that everyone can gain similar benefits.
For instance
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, in Vietnam,
although
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 there are fewer people living in the countryside, things are not outdated, since the three biggest countries: Hanoi, Saigon, and Da Nang frequently fund money for other
cities
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 to improve the infrastructure and culture. In conclusion,
although
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 several individuals have their own understandable arguments, I lean toward those who believe it is beneficial to the migrators to
cities
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, thanks to comfortably accessing job opportunities and supporting money to other
areas
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such
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 as the countryside by personal income tax of people working in big
cities
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea to improve clarity and coherence.
clarity
Avoid using overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader. Simple and clear sentences help maintain clarity.
task achievement
Provide more varied and specific examples to strengthen the argument. For instance, using statistics or personal anecdotes could help make the points more convincing.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
supported main points
The main points are well supported with relevant examples, such as the example of Sai Gon in Vietnam.
complete response
The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the positive aspects of urban migration and the potential drawbacks.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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