IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In today’s
society
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,
celebrities
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such
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 as actors, athletes, and musicians earn enormous salaries that often spark debate. Some people believe that these individuals are overpaid,
while
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 others think their income is justified by their talent and hard
work
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. Personally, I agree that
celebrities
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 are paid far too much money, considering the nature of their
work
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 and the imbalance it creates in
society
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.
To begin
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 with, the income gap between
celebrities
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 and ordinary workers is excessively large.
For instance
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, professional athletes or movie stars can earn millions of dollars for a single performance or endorsement,
while
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 essential workers
such
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 as teachers, nurses, or firefighters often struggle with modest salaries. These professions contribute directly to the welfare and development of
society
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, yet they receive far less recognition and financial reward.
This
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 disparity sends a misleading message that entertainment is more valuable than education or healthcare.
Furthermore
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, many
celebrities
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 benefit not only from their talent but
also
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 from publicity and market trends rather than the social importance of their
work
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.
For example
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, some social media influencers or reality TV stars gain enormous wealth simply through fame rather than genuine skill or contribution.
This
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 situation promotes a culture that values fame and appearance over hard
work
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 and integrity, which can negatively influence young people’s aspirations.
However
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, it is fair to acknowledge that
celebrities
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 do play a role in the economy. Their popularity drives industries
such
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 as fashion, sports, and entertainment, creating numerous jobs and generating revenue.
In addition
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, some
celebrities
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 use their wealth and influence for good causes,
such
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 as charity
work
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 or raising awareness about social issues.
Nevertheless
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, these positive contributions do not fully justify the excessive salaries that many receive. In conclusion,
while
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celebrities
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 do contribute to
society
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 in certain ways, I strongly believe they are paid far too much money compared to people in essential professions. A more balanced system of rewarding individuals
according to
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 their contribution and social value would make our
society
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 fairer and more sustainable.

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Task response
You give a clear view and sound reasons. To raise this more, add one more strong point or detail to show depth.
Coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with small words to show flow. Use words like 'also', 'but', 'next' to move from one idea to the next.
Task response
Clear stand on the issue.
Coherence and cohesion
Good use of examples to back up ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • lucrative
  • revenue
  • sponsorships
  • merchandise
  • career longevity
  • market demand
  • economic contribution
  • role models
  • influence
  • entertainment industry
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