IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

In
this
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 modern era, young people are attracted more towards practical learning.
However
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, there are both advantages and disadvantages in choosing work-based training rather than attending lectures.
Therefore
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,
this
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eassy
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essay
 will discuss in detail
about
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apply
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both positives and negatives.
To begin
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with
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with,
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 the upside of
practice -based
Use the right word
practice-based
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 learning, it gives people more experience, practical knowledge and real-world scenarios to deal with.
Moreover
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, it boosts the interpersonal skills
such
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 as confidence, critical thinking and creativity, as the actual circumstances provide than with the practical examples. There is a study, which illustrates
,
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apply
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 that a set of scientists derive a chemical compound more
quicker
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quickly
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doing
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by doing
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 the experiment than the group of researchers doing calculations, which is said to be
convienient
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convenient
 in
this
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fast paced
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fast-paced
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 world.
Next,
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looking at the downsides, the major drawback of not attending universities is, students will not have the basic
theoritical
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theoretical
 knowledge from the books or lectures, which makes their foundation stronger. Another downfall is holding a qualification degree
which
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, which
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 is the default requirement
criteria
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criterion
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 to apply for a job. A fitting example will be
a
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the
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 health care
sectors
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sector
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, though the profession needs lots of practical
traning
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training
 and
also
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 they hold a university degree
before hand
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beforehand
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. In conclusion, though not all sectors
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 theory learning,
but
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apply
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the important healthcare does. Despite
,
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apply
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 having numerous benefits of hands-on experiences
instead
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 of pursuing a degree, the demerits
outweight
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outweigh
 the merits based on having a stronger foundation.

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task response
In task response, the essay answers the question and shows a view, but ideas are not very strong. Add a clear opinion in the last part and give one strong, real example for each main point.
coherence and cohesion
In coherence and cohesion, the text uses some good breaks, but linking between ideas is weak. Use simple link words and make sure each paragraph has a clear start and end. Keep a steady flow of logic from one idea to the next.
structure
Intro and conclusion exist.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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