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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country
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People hold different perspectives on whether
professionals
 like doctors or engineers should be mandated to
work
 in the
country
 they did in their training or have the freedom to
work
 abroad.
While
 forcing them to
work
 for their home countries has some explicit benefits, I deeply believe that enabling them
choose
Add the particle
to choose
show examples
 a workplace in their
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 is more advantageous.
To begin
 with, encouraging
professionals
 to seek employment in the region where they were trained can offer some advantages.
Firstly
, there will be
potential
Add an article
a potential
show examples
 enhancement in the quality of service in the
country
, as
professionals
 can fully reach their potential and function more effectively since the situations they will encounter
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more similar to the circumstances covered in their training programs.
For instance
, if doctors trained in a place are only permitted to
work
 there,
then
 the sets of medical equipment and the scenarios they might face on a daily basis can be similar to those they became familiar with during the training courses.
Additionally
,
this
 approach can help alleviate shortages of qualified personnel in certain sectors,
such
 as healthcare. To exemplify, countries with
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 populations rely heavily on their homegrown medical workforce to cater to the needs of their citizens.
On the other hand
, allowing specialists to
work
 overseas provides significant benefits.
To begin
 with, gaining experience in varied settings can facilitate the development of new skills and insights, which can
subsequently
 be passed on to colleagues upon their return to their native
country
.
For instance
, a doctor who acquires knowledge in advanced surgical procedures
while
 abroad can impart these techniques to their fellow colleagues, ultimately enhancing the entire medical field.
Additionally
, the sharing of knowledge and concepts among
professionals
 from various countries can promote cross-cultural appreciation, which is essential in our increasingly interconnected world. International partnerships in areas like science and technology,
such
 as the International Space Station, illustrate the potential of overcoming national barriers to achieve extraordinary results. In conclusion,
whereas
 requiring one to
work
 in their nation can be favourable to some, I believe
professionals
 should be encouraged to seek employment opportunities beyond their
country
 of origin.
Submitted by trungnh283 on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance logical flow by using more linking words and phrases to improve connectivity between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea with clear supporting details, which will help maintain clarity.
task achievement
Include a few more specific examples or elaborations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Excellent introduction and conclusion that clearly state the writer's position.
task achievement
Good use of examples to support points, enhancing the comprehensibility of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Well-organized paragraphs with clear main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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