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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information about attendance and entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. Summarize thew information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about attendance and entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. Summarize thew information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart shows the number of people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 entered entertainment venues for sports,
theme
Use synonyms
parks
Use synonyms
 and cinemas in 2009.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the table lists the charges
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 entering these facilities per person.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the cinema, which charged the lowest prices among all options, had a higher number of
admission
Fix the agreement mistake
admissions
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 those which
asked
Verb problem
charged
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a higher fare had fewer enrollment
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
. Both the fee for a person or a family for going to the cinema is the lowest, charging $15 and $55 per individual or
family
Punctuation problem
family,
show examples
 respectively. The attendance of cinemas
threefolded
Correct your spelling
tripled
 that of
theme
Use synonyms
parks
Use synonyms
, surpassing a total amount of 1 million tickets sold. For
sprots
Correct your spelling
sports
 and
theme
Use synonyms
parks
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, a lower number of participants can be seen.
Both
Correct determiner usage
Neither
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
did not
Verb problem
apply
show examples
exceed
Wrong verb form
exceeded
show examples
 400
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
. Football games charged the highest among all given events (more than $70 per ticket),
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 by
theme
Use synonyms
parks
Use synonyms
 which charged $70
dollars
Check wording
apply
show examples
per person.
Although
Linking Words
 basketball and cricket competitions
charged
Verb problem
cost
show examples
 $34 and $24 respectively, these games are more expensive than going to the cinema.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words theme, parks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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