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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows how fabric is manufactured from bamboo

The diagram below shows how fabric is manufactured from bamboo
The process diagram illustrates the production of cloth from
bamboo
Use synonyms
.  
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the diagram that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manufacturing is a complex, multi-stage process, starting with
bamboo
Use synonyms
 cultivation in
spring
Correct article usage
the spring
show examples
 season and ending with the
produced
Replace the word
production of
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 clothing.  In detail,
according to
Linking Words
 what is shown, the first step of output commences with the
bamboo
Use synonyms
 planting and harvest session in autumn. Afterwards,
bamboo
Use synonyms
 sticks go through
cutting
Correct article usage
a cutting
show examples
 phase to strips and smashing to get liquid pulp. There is a filter on the next stage,
which
Correct word order
through which
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liquid
Correct article usage
the liquid
show examples
 pulp passes
through
Correct word order
apply
show examples
and
devote
Verb problem
diverts
show examples
 long fibres from
this
Linking Words
 fluid.  In terms of
further
Linking Words
 processing, the long fibres
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
obtained from
earlier
Correct article usage
the earlier
show examples
 stage
added
Verb problem
were added
show examples
 to the water and amine oxide for softening.
Soft
Punctuation problem
Soft,
show examples
 long fibres
spinning
Wrong verb form
are spun
show examples
 by the machines and manufactured
yarn
Change preposition
into yarn
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 yarn is used for weave knitting to make fabric. In the
last
Linking Words
 stage, different types of clothes
such
Linking Words
 as t-shirts, socks and etc.
being
Verb problem
are being
show examples
 ready for
delivering
Replace the word
delivery
show examples
.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bamboo with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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