IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the population percentage aged 65 and above in three countries in 1980, 2000, and predicted percentage in 2030.

The chart below shows the population percentage aged 65 and above in three countries in 1980, 2000, and predicted percentage in 2030.
The presented bar graph provides data on the progression of
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
show examples
 in the whole world, particularly in
Africa
Use synonyms
 ,
Asia
Use synonyms
 and
Latin
Use synonyms
America
Use synonyms
 and forthcoming changes
that
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 expected. One striking feature of the chart is that the number of urban residents is rising significantly over a 8-decade period.
Latin
Use synonyms
America
Use synonyms
 has had the highest percentages among the analysed continents,
whereas
Linking Words
Africa
Use synonyms
 and
Asia
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 demonstrated the lowest level of
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
show examples
. The percentages of people living in
urbanized
Change the spelling
urbanised
show examples
 regions
initially
Linking Words
 accounted for 30%,
hitting
Verb problem
reaching
show examples
 a half ( around 48%) in 2000.
Linking Words
Then
Rephrase
apply
show examples
Latin
Use synonyms
America
Use synonyms
 has shown
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
steady growth throughout the period
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 which constituted about 41%
I n
Correct your spelling
in
 1980, increasing sharply to 70%.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
show examples
 in
Africa
Use synonyms
 and
Asia
Use synonyms
 has started later compared to
Latin
Use synonyms
America
Use synonyms
, remaining just below 12%.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the ratio of city residents in these developing continents reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost 40%.
According to
Linking Words
predictions
Punctuation problem
predictions,
show examples
 it seems that urban areas are going to rise
around
Change preposition
by around
show examples
 60%
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
earth
Fix capitalization
Earth
show examples
.
Africa
Use synonyms
 and
Asia
Use synonyms
 will have modest rises
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 50% and 55%, respectively. It forecasts that
Use synonyms
latin
Fix capitalization
Latin America
show examples
america
Use synonyms
 will be the leading region across 3 distinct continents, rising to 80% in 2030

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words africa, asia, latin, america with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: