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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below give information on the ages of populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.

The chart below give information on the ages of populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.
these
Fix capitalization
These
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 pie charts
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
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about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the ages of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 counts of
Use synonyms
yemen
Fix capitalization
Yemen
show examples
 and
italy
Fix capitalization
Italy
show examples
 in 2000 and a prediction for 2050. If we observe the
charts
Punctuation problem
charts,
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 they believe that in both countries the old people population is going to increase.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 the proportions of increases are different. In
Use synonyms
Fix capitalization
Yemen
show examples
yemen
Punctuation problem
yemen,
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 there is a
slightly grow
Replace the word
slight growth
show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 in
italy
Fix capitalization
Italy
show examples
 it rises
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sharply from 24% to 42%
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 it's crystal clear that
Use synonyms
yemen
Fix capitalization
Yemen
show examples
 is going to have inclines on all of the groups
instead
Linking Words
 of the
childs
Correct your spelling
children
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
italy
Fix capitalization
Italy
show examples
 is having declines
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 every group except for the old individuals.It almost reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
half
Check wording
middle
show examples
 of the pie chart. In
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
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 if we observe
yemens
Correct your spelling
Yemen's
 whole population
Punctuation problem
, childs
show examples
childs
Correct your spelling
children
 were
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the country.But in
italy
Fix capitalization
Italy
show examples
 it wasn't even a quarter. And in the future
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
 in 2050,it illustrates that as time goes the child community which
Use synonyms
yemen
Fix capitalization
Yemen
show examples
 is going to fall down and the 15-59 age group will rise moderately.In
Fix capitalization
Italy
show examples
italy
Punctuation problem
italy,
show examples
 it will work as the
middle age
Use the right word
middle-aged
show examples
 groups decline and the
old
Correct word choice
older
show examples
 age community
incline
Correct subject-verb agreement
inclines
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words yemen with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declines" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rises" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age demographics
  • age structure
  • population distribution
  • youthful population
  • ageing population
  • life expectancy
  • birth rate
  • demographic shift
  • population projection
  • median age
  • dependents
  • working-age population
  • elderly dependents
  • geriatric
  • fertility rate
  • migration
  • demographic trends
  • baby boomers
  • demographic dividend
  • population pyramid
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