IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

nuclear power is far too dangerous; therefore, countries should ban its use and concentrate instead on developing alternative sources such as hydroelectric power and solar energy. To what extent do you agree?

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There has been a long discussion as to whether nuclear
power
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 should be banned and developed from other alternative sources or not in history.
While
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 it has a potential danger that may sacrifice the
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 of living creatures, I generally disagree with the removal of nuclear
power
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 for the number of benefits that it can bring to modern society. On one hand, nuclear
power
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 causes negative consequences because it is highly vulnerable to natural disasters.
In other words
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, nuclear
power
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 plants are more affected by earthquakes which can lead to unexpected collapse.
For example
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, when a huge earthquake hit the northern part of Japan in 2011, harmful radiation was exposed to nature.
This
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 leads to a number of negative outcomes both from perspectives of health and the environment. There is a growing risk of lethal diseases
such
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 as cancer and brain strokes
due to
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 the threatening radiation.
In addition
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 to the increasing health concerns among humans, its damage has gone to wild animals whose
life
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 is severely damaged to death. Since many issues regarding the safety of nuclear
power
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 remain unsolved, it should be abandoned to seek other effective alternatives.
On the other hand
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, nuclear
power
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 should not be prohibited since it is an important source of
energy
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 which essentially supports the current lifestyle. In fact, it provides an incredible amount of
energy
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 in every aspect of
life
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 including transportation, and industry.
For instance
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, more frequent travel has been made possible thanks to the abundance of
energy
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 supply generated constantly by nuclear
power
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 plants. It allows people to have a more advanced and satisfactory
life
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. The shortage of
energy
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 can threaten individual safety when there is not enough
power
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 for lights on the street.
Therefore
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, nuclear
power
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 is a major source of
energy
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 to protect higher quality of
life
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 in modern society. In conclusion, nuclear
power
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 should be prohibited for its use since the problems regarding its safety remain unsolved.
However
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, it should be promoted to provide a sufficient supply of
energy
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 because there have not been as effective alternatives as nuclear
power
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.

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Task Achievement
Task Response: Your response partially addresses the prompt by presenting some arguments both for and against the use of nuclear power, yet it does not fully explore the extent of agreement or disagreement with the specific idea of banning nuclear power and focusing on alternatives, such as hydroelectric and solar energy. You should provide a more balanced discussion and, importantly, clearer examples related to the alternatives mentioned in the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of your arguments could be improved by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that the arguments progress naturally from one to the next. This can be done by using a wider range of cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences. Furthermore, the introduction and conclusion should more accurately reflect the content and arguments in the body of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • radioactive contamination
  • meltdown
  • sustainable energy
  • carbon footprint
  • renewable resources
  • fission process
  • energy grid
  • hazardous waste
  • decommissioning
  • safety protocols
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