IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisement tell us about new product that may improve our lives. Which view do you agree or disagree?

So advertising sometimes tries to sell us things that we don´t really use. I actually agree with the idea that it is pretty common to see marketing strategies from companies that try to generate a
necessity
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 that we didn´t have before. And since we live in a
consumist
Correct your spelling
consumerist
society
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society,
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 we feel
atracted
Correct your spelling
attracted
 to those products that we don´t need.
Firstly
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, companies are more focused in selling the
product
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 rather than making a good
product
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,
furthermore
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 experts in marketing believe that it is more important the way you advertise a
product
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 rather than the quality of the
product
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, and
that is
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 because they just want to sell the
product
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 they don´t care if consumers really need it, because a company wants to maximize their earnings and the best way to do it is creating a
necessity
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. And in some cases it is more important:
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For
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for
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example
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example,
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 Apple products are
percibed
Correct your spelling
perceived
 by the consumers as the best brand of mobile devices
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; however
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however
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however,
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 Apple
smatphones
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smartphones
 are not a lot better than other brands like Samsung in terms of quality
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. Instead
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instead
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instead,
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 they have a good marketing that increases the popularity of Apple. Andon the other hand,
In
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in
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 the western world we have a
consumist coulture
Correct your spelling
consumer culture
, so whenever a new
product
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 appears in the market we tend to get the urge to get it. So it is not only that advertising tries to create necessities
but
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, but
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 we
also
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 create
that
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those
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 necessities
to
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for
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 ourselves whenever we see a new
product
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.
For
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example
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example,
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When
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when
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 Sony presents every 5 to 7 years a new
Play Station
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PlayStation
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gamers
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, gamers
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 get the urge to buy it even though the oldest version will keep on working. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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i
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I
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 firmly agree with the idea that advertising
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
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 a
necessity
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into
Change preposition
in
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 the
costumer
Use the right word
customer
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, but the company that
triest
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tries
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 to create that urge are not the only blameworthy
yet
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; yet
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 we, the
costumers
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customers
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, are the
costumers
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ones
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 fall
in
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into
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 that marketing strategy and create the
necessity
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 in ourselves.

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planning
Plan your essay. Start with a short answer to the question and say your view. Then add two to three good points with a small example. End with a clear wrap up.
grammar
Fix the grammar. Use simple sentences. Check the spelling of key words like 'advertising', 'consumers', 'culture'.
coherence
Link ideas with words like 'also', 'however', 'for example'. Use the same word for 'advertising' and 'ads' to avoid confusion.
structure
Use a clear position in the opening and repeat it in the ending. Do not mix views in one part.
content
Give one strong example per idea. Explain briefly why it supports your point.
stance
The writer takes a clear view that ads create wants.
examples
There are real examples to support an idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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