IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Topic 4: Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. To what extent do you agree with this view? What other things can people do in order to have a satisfying working life?

Many people nowadays think that choosing your
Use synonyms
carreer
Correct your spelling
career
 path early helps with getting a more satisfying career. I firmly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and I think that working in a good place may be another big part to enjoy a
succesfull
Correct your spelling
successful career
carreer
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I have to say that
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 firmly agree with
this
Linking Words
 topic, when you get to know what you really want to do with your
life
Use synonyms
 early in your
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
career
carreer
Punctuation problem
carreer,
show examples
 you have a lot gained over others that need more years to understand what they want to do for the rest of their lives. It is because those who need more years to find their purpose can be
frustated triying
Correct your spelling
frustrated trying
 to find it,
while
Linking Words
 people who know what they wanna do early in their
life
Use synonyms
 can start
sooner working
Correct word order
working sooner
show examples
 in what they actually like
instead
Linking Words
 of using that time to find their own path.
For example
Linking Words
, the best grades in
spanish
Fix capitalization
Spanish
show examples
 selectivity come from students who already know what they want to study.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think it is really important to find a job position that you really like.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 it is not only selecting a job that you actually like, it is more complex, you have to be comfortable in your work space and with your co-workers in order to live a happy working
life
Use synonyms
, since even though it is important to know what you wanna do
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 is
as
Rephrase
just as
show examples
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
important to feel comfortable in your working space.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 many people love their profession but find themselves in a toxic company that makes them hate their own job. In conclusion, deciding your profession early can make things easier for the rest of your
life
Use synonyms
, but it isn´t the only factor that affects having a satisfying
Use synonyms
carreer
Correct your spelling
career
,
Yet
Fix capitalization
yet
show examples
 other factors like your workplace or co-workers may play a big part in it.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Content
Add more clear, specific examples and tie them to your main points; include steps people can take to have a satisfying working life (internships, skill building, networking).
Language
Improve grammar and spelling: correct capitalization of I, spell career, successful, frustrated, trying etc; use consistent punctuation.
Structure
Use clear topic sentences and distinct paragraphs; each paragraph should hold one main idea with its own development.
Content
Balance your argument by showing how early career choice interacts with other factors; address both parts of the prompt equally.
Task Response
Clear position on the topic.
Coherence
Has linking words to connect ideas (Firstly, On the other hand, In conclusion).
What to do next:
Look at other essays: