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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give you own opinion.

In today’s
globalized
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globalised
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 world, whether advancements in
technology
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 can bring
people
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 closer together has become a major topic of discussion. Some
people
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 believe that it has driven us apart. In my view, modern
technology
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 has undeniably facilitated the connection between individuals and social bonds, despite some concerns about its negative impacts. On the one hand, some
people
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 argue that modern
technology
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 has resulted in social isolation. The rapid dissemination of
technology
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 could bring unimagined advances in electric products,
such
Linking Words
 as mobile phones, televisions and computers.
However
Linking Words
,
people
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, especially pupils, have become addicted to the internet world, which they use all the time to watch TV or films, play games and listen to music and so on. That inevitably decreases the time
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they need to spend with family and even
produce
Correct subject-verb agreement
produces
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 some contradiction between children and parents.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the rapid advancement in
technology
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, particularly in transportation and communication, has made it easier to keep in touch with
people
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 across the world with minimal effort and time.
For instance
Linking Words
, we have plenty of choices,
such
Linking Words
 as
airplane
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aeroplanes
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 and high-speed
train
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trains
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, to travel abroad or visit relatives efficiently.
Therefore
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,
people
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 can visit family and friends more frequently to strengthen social bonds.
Moreover
Linking Words
, social media platforms like
wechat
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WeChat
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 and
facebook
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Facebook
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 can communicate online and take a video to chat
face to face
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face-to-face
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 immediately. It is easy for
people
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 to maintain friendships and family ties. In conclusion, modern
technology
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 has both benefits and drawbacks.
While
Linking Words
 it might lead to social isolation, I argue that its benefits are profound and far-reaching. Maintaining a balance between digital and realistic relationships is key to fostering social bonds.

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structure
Have one main idea in each paragraph and begin with a clear topic sentence.
language
Use simple words and fix small errors, like capitalizing names (WeChat, Facebook).
content
Give more real examples to back each idea.
grammar
Check grammar and link ideas with simple connectors (also, but, in addition).
content
The writer shows a clear view and keeps it in the essay.
structure
Two sides are shown with clear links (on the one hand, on the other hand).

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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