IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend overweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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 it is obvious that new
technologies
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 have changed the way
children
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 spend their free
time
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. I hold the view that
this
Linking Words
 outcome has more advantages than disadvantages. With the
continuos
Use the right word
continuous
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 advances of
high-techs
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high-tech
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, people are experiencing a whole new
life style
Use the right word
lifestyle
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 using electronic devices everywhere
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it has become an indispensable part of their life.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
children
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 now have much earlier contact with new
technologies
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 and tend to spend more
time
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 on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 than in real life, which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 a certain concern
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents
about
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, about
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children
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's mental and physical health. Considering the cons, there exist several benefits for
children
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 using
technologies
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 to
kill
Use the right word
fill
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the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 spare
time
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it brings them the latest news
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
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 on Earth
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 allows them to keep
aknowledged
Correct your spelling
aware
 of the latest
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
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.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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 they could be on the same page one someone's talking rather than
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 isolated, or even worse,
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 bullied. The next thing is, it may bring the little seed of contributing to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human kind
Use the right word
humankind
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 by
Verb problem
being fascinating
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fascinating
Replace the word
fascinated
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about
Change preposition
by
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 technology and willing to work
Change preposition
in as
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as
Use the right word
a
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 relevant
in
Check wording
field in
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 order to push the development. As a conclusion, despite the several disadvantages, I think
overall
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 the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
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 of the brand new way that
children
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 spend their free
time
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 changed by
technologies
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weighs more
Verb problem
outweigh
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.

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overview
Make your view clear in the first line and stay with that idea in the rest of your essay.
organization
Use clear logic. Link one idea to the next with simple words like first, then, and finally.
development
Give small, real examples to show your point and explain why it matters.
language
Check spelling and grammar so it is easy to read. Use short sentences and simple words.
content
The answer shows a view that tech brings more good than bad.
structure
There is an opening and a closing part.
organization
Some linking words are used to join ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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