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Band 7

In the future, the main resean for going to shoping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree.

#future #resean #mall #entertainment #shop
It is thought by some that the proposal of department stores will be changed from shopping into entertainment
while
 others still believe that
malls
 will remain the same objectives. In
this
 essay, the reasons for
this
 matter will be outlined before reaching my conclusion. On the one hand, there are several reasons to think that it will be for entertainment.
Firstly
, a lot of recreations will be built on the roof floor of shopping
malls
such
 as running courts, soccer courts, etc. Users can be able to spend their time socialising with their friends or families.
Secondly
, The department stores will become far more modernised
due to
 the advancement of technology.
Thus
 they will hold new exhibition zones for communities to enjoy and take photos
for example
 outdoor space with new technologies including 3D monitors or 3D holograms.
On the other hand
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main objective of the
malls
 will remain the same, for shopping. At
first,
individuals still need to purchase things for their living.
For instance
, There are appliances
such
 as refrigerators or washing machines for households. These brands are still open their shops inside the stores.
In addition
, Those exhibition spaces
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mentioned above will not be free of charge for the reason that the mall's owner purchases the new state-of-the-art technologies at an expensive cost.
Therefore
, the owner wants their money back which in turn the customers must buy tickets if they want to attend the outdoor exhibitions. All in all, I disagree with the reason that the objective of shopping
malls
 will change into entertainment. The meaning of shopping will stay the same, to shop, as people need to spend cash in order to obtain other things back.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Task Response
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction to give the reader an immediate understanding of your stance. While you present a balanced view and come to a clear conclusion, directly stating your opinion earlier can strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on varying your linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas more smoothly. While your essay is well-organized, using a wider range of cohesive devices can help create a more fluid narrative.
Introduction
In the introduction, rather than saying 'the reasons for this matter will be outlined,' it might be stronger to directly state what your main arguments will be. This can help make your introduction more engaging and provide a clearer map of your essay.
Accuracy
Remember to proofread for minor errors in spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Small inaccuracies such as 'proposal of department stores' instead of 'purpose of department stores' or 'shoping' instead of 'shopping' can slightly distract the reader.
Task Response
You provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument before reaching a concluded opinion, which satisfactorily addresses the task requirement.
Example Use
You effectively use examples to support your main points, making your argument more convincing. This demonstrates a good ability to tie specific details to your overall argument.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments, reiterating your stance clearly. This is a strong feature of your essay, as it reinforces the response to the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • relying heavily on
  • transforming
  • consumer behavior
  • shift
  • virtual
  • convenience
  • brick-and-mortar stores
  • retail landscape
  • evolving
  • diversifying
  • leisure activities
  • amenities
  • socializing
  • shopaholic
  • impulse buying
  • concessions
  • window shopping
  • consumer preferences
  • entertainment options
  • browse
  • e-commerce
  • online retailers
  • convenient
  • carousel
  • movie theater
  • food court
  • bowling alley
  • arcade
  • play area
  • shopping spree
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