IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six month period in 2011

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six month period in 2011
The line graph illustrates the total of received
inquiries
Use synonyms
 by
Tourist
Correct article usage
the Tourist
show examples
 Information Office in
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 area in 2011 from January to
Juny
Correct your spelling
June
.
Overall
Linking Words
, personal and email
inquiries
Use synonyms
 increased
surged
Verb problem
apply
show examples
significantly throughout the
period
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 telephone
requests
Use synonyms
 decreased in six-month periods.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, telephone
requests
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the highest demand in
Tourist
Correct article usage
the Tourist
show examples
 Information Office in January.
However
Linking Words
, it fell by 800
requests
Use synonyms
 in February, and evidently, it grew to almost 1000 in the next month.
Although
Linking Words
 the value remained the same in April, phone-call
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
show examples
 increased significantly for approximately 1400
phone-call
Use the right word
phone
show examples
 demand, and
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieved
show examples
 the second highest demand in the Office in
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 semester.
Face to face
Use the right word
Face-to-face
show examples
inquiries
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the lowest number in January by more than 400 reports. Evidently, it
growth
Replace the word
grew
show examples
 drastically during the
period
Use synonyms
, exceeding phone-call
inquiries
Use synonyms
 in April, and became the highest
requests
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the
period
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, letter/email
request
Fix the agreement mistake
requests
show examples
 declined significantly from approximately 750
requests
Use synonyms
 to less than 400
requests
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the
period
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words inquiries, period, requests with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: