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Writing Samples
Band 6

New technologies present children with new possibilities and potential danger. Discuss the advantage and disadvantage of technology on children in todays society.

New
technologies
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 undoubtedly come with
risks
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 and potential adverse effects. The
risks
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 are increased when it comes to
children
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, since they are in their decisive developmental years of life.
However
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, new technological advancements
also
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 present us with many opportunities to improve
children
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's upbringing. I believe it comes down to how parents are willing to supervise their
children
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 and how they
utilize
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utilise
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 technology.
To begin
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 with, I believe new
technologies
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such
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 as interactive video games, virtual reality, and on-demand streaming have proven to have extreme disadvantages for
children
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. Parents are either unaware or unable to monitor the content that their
children
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 consume through the technological mediums that I named, and that has adverse effects
both on
Correct word order
on both
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 their mental and physical development. Spending significant time behind a screen, which is often attached to new
technologies
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, harms
children
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's
eye sight
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eyesight
show examples
 and may result in poor posture.
Furthermore
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, the content that
children
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 nowadays mostly consume, via video games and shows, is largely inappropriate and contains violence, sexual themes, and even vulgar language.
On the contrary
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, new
technologies
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also
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 provide us with unprecedented opportunities to educate
children
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 and maintain their interest in topics
such
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 as science and mathematics through interactive software and hardware.
For instance
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, virtual reality headsets can be used to present subjects that were previously considered boring in an exciting manner, similar to a video game. From my experience,
children
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 are visual learners;
therefore
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, giving them access to a large library of digital photos and footage that they can learn from improves the efficiency of teaching. In conclusion, new
technologies
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 present new
risks
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 and opportunities for
children
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, and their advantages and disadvantages must be taken into account before we start using them en masse. Technological advancements allow us to provide
children
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 with a more engaging and fun educational experience, but they
also
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 come with their own unique
risks
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, which should be taken seriously to avoid physical and mental harm. All new
technologies
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 need constant monitoring and evaluation by adults to mitigate the negative effects that they can have on
children
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.

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task
Add more clear ideas and end with a strong line that sums up both sides.
coherence
Use more linking words to show the order of ideas and make the flow easy to follow.
content
Give real examples with small facts or numbers and show how they fit the topic.
structure
Clear plan with intro, body and conclusion.
content
Shows both sides of the issue.
coherence
Good use of connecting words to move ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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