IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centers provide the best care. Discuss both views, give own opinion.

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It is undeniable, that modern living conditions make family members work hard. Children are left with grandparents or stay in the kinder gardens in
such
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 situations. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both arguments,
as well as
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 my own opinion, which tends to professional baby care in preschools. On the one hand, there are a lot of adults, who love traditional bringing up and leaving babies with their elders, taking into account, that they are the most reliable people in the world.
Furthermore
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, grandparents are free and happy to spend their time with grandchildren,
not to mention
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 about family budget saving.
For instance
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, 90% of preschools are full, which is why elders stay with infants at home even though they are under 60 years old.
Thus
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, it is a good solution for all dynasties.
On the other hand
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, the older generation is not obliged to sit with children, they are continuing their own lives and it is better to leave kids in daycare. It is supported by the fact, that babysitters are well-taught and well-organized in terms of teaching and baby-caring.
For example
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,
according to
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 the law, infant schools are obliged to pass special qualification tests and 100% of specialists are trained once a month and have a special educational level. Statistics show that all the kindergartens pass them successfully.
As a result
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, a child is always busy and gets qualified care.
To conclude
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, the above-said two points of view are correct in some instances.
However
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, I believe that a professional baby caring system gives more security and development, and grans still can be visited at the weekends.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure in your essay, with each paragraph smoothly leading to the next. While your essay shows a logical flow, transitions between points can be improved to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion should restate the topic and the writer's main points, including their opinion. While both are present and adequately done, making them more distinct and impactful will improve the essay.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with a clear explanation and more distinct examples. While examples were given, providing more tangible and varied evidence would strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure the essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear response. You did well in discussing both views and presenting your opinion.
task achievement
Ideas should be explained comprehensively. Work on expanding your ideas with more depth and reasoning for a clearer understanding of your perspective.
task achievement
Include more relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. The examples should be concrete and detailed to illustrate your points effectively.
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