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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six month period in 2011

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six month period in 2011
The line graph represents information about the quantity of inquiries
that given
Verb problem
made
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 by
Tourist
Correct article usage
the Tourist
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 Information Company in one nation
within
Change preposition
over
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 6
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
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 of 2011.  
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that getting information face-to-face shows an upward trend, followed by inquiries by phone,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for the letter and mail declined consistently throughout the
period
Use synonyms
.  Roughly at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
, query demands in person started its
period
Use synonyms
 with the lowest number at 400, afterwards soared gradually by
march
Fix capitalization
March
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 and overtook inquiries asked by phone
on
Change preposition
in
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april
Fix capitalization
April
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, with
starting
Wrong verb form
the start of
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 its dominance at 1300. Moving
further
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure reflected its relative dominance until the final
period
Use synonyms
.  
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of tourists who ask questions via mobile phone was around 900
on
Change preposition
in
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january
Fix capitalization
January
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. Before the sharp rise from 1000 to 1600,
this
Linking Words
 line showed steady fluctuations for four
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
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.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, queries by the electron
mail
Use the right word
email
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 and letter stood at the same level for
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 two
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
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, before its dramatic decline by around 500 people,
reached to
Wrong verb form
reaching
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 300 in the final year.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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