IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some believe that professionals
including
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, including
show examples
 medical staff and
educators
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educators,
show examples
 deserve higher salaries compared to athletes and celebrities. I strongly agree with
this
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 view, as their contributions to society are far more essential and impactful. The primary reason for paying doctors and nurses more is that medical workers save lives every day and work under stressful conditions. Their work is critical to the well-being of society. They perform operations, treat illnesses, and work long hours. Their mistakes can cost lives, so the profession requires a high level of responsibility and skill. During the pandemic,
for instance
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, they were on the front lines, risking their health. Another important reason to support higher pay for
teachers
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 is that
teachers
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 lay the foundation for education, without which no professional, including athletes and actors, can succeed. They teach children from an early age, shaping their thinking, values and knowledge. The profession requires patience, dedication and continuous professional development. Despite its importance,
teachers
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' salaries are very low in many countries. Without
teachers
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, there would be no doctors, engineers or even artists — they help to unlock the potential of every individual.
On the other hand
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, some people argue that sports and entertainment stars deserve to earn more. They believe that these individuals bring joy, relaxation and inspiration to millions of people worldwide.
For instance
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, famous football players or singers generate significant profits through advertising, ticket sales and broadcasting rights.
Therefore
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, their high salaries can be justified by the large amount of revenue they help to produce. In conclusion,
although
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 celebrities in sports and entertainment are often rewarded for their popularity and economic contribution, I firmly believe that professionals
such
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 as doctors, nurses and
teachers
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 should be paid more, as they play a vital role in improving people’s lives and supporting the development of society.

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Strategy
Add a short counter-argument and a strong wrap-up that links back to your main idea.
Language
Use more varied sentence forms to show range and keep grammar steady.
Content
Give more specific examples or data to back up points.
Strength
Clear stance and well-focused main idea.
Structure
Good order of ideas with a clear flow between paragraphs.
Evidence
Use of a real-life example (pandemic) to support your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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