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Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Number of visitors per month in summer,2013(in thousands)

The line graph gives data on
museum
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
 during the summer
in
Change preposition
of
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 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Three
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three
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 museums experienced different trends in the time period.
While
Linking Words
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in
British
Correct article usage
the British
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 and Science museums rose gradually,the interest
of
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in
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Natural
Correct article usage
the Natural
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 History
Museum
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 fell over
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time. In
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june
Fix capitalization
June
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,
British
Correct article usage
the British
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Use synonyms
museum
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Museum
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 was the most popular among other museums with 600000
visitors
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.
This
Linking Words
 figure rose significantly during July to 750000
,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 the
number
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 of
visitors
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 fell
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 500000 and rose sharply to 650000
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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in August and September, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Natural
Correct article usage
the Natural
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 History
Museum
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attached
Verb problem
attracted
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 about 550000 people in
June
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,
this
Linking Words
 figure decreased to 400000 in
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june
Fix capitalization
June
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,and started increasing by the end of August
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 September when the
number
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 of
visitors
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 reached
to
Change preposition
apply
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480000.
However
Linking Words
,
Science
Correct article usage
the Science
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Use synonyms
museum
Fix capitalization
Museum
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 had the lowest
number
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 of
comers
Check wording
visitors
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 in
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june
Fix capitalization
June
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(400000),
then
Linking Words
 it started rapidly declining
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 August,when the
number
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 of
visitors
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 300000.
Later
Punctuation problem
Later,
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 the interest in
this
Linking Words
museum
Use synonyms
 increased significantly to 420000.

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task response
The essay must show a clear start and end. Add a short intro that says what the chart is about, and a short end that sums up the overall trend.
coherence cohesion
The essay should be in clear order. Use one idea per paragraph. Start with a small idea that says what each museum does, then give proof with a few facts in order (month by month).
strength
You name all three museums and you mention they have different trends.
strength
There are many numbers shown to prove what you say.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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