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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, everyone wants to have a TV, a car, and a refrigerator. Do the disadvantages to society outweigh the advantages?

In recent years, the desire to own a television, a car, and a refrigerator has become a broad issue for the general public. Some people argue that the widespread ownership of these modern conveniences brings substantial benefits to
individuals
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 and
society
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.
However
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, it seems to me that the disadvantages to
society
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 may outweigh the advantages. The following essay will shed light on these viewpoints. On the one hand, it is essential to
recognize
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recognise
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 that
individuals
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 should acknowledge the significant advantages associated with the widespread use of televisions,
cars
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, and refrigerators. A crucial consideration is that these appliances improve the quality of daily life, which highlights that people can access information, preserve food more effectively, and enjoy greater mobility.
For example
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, it is noteworthy that refrigerators enable families to store perishable food safely, reducing food waste and promoting better health.
In addition
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, another important point to
emphasize
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emphasise
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 is that
cars
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 increase personal freedom and convenience.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that
individuals
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 can travel longer distances for work, education, and leisure, broadening their opportunities and experiences.
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to examine the opposing viewpoint that the growing demand for these items poses significant disadvantages to
society
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. A noteworthy factor to consider is that the increased use of
cars
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 leads to environmental problems, which
emphasizes
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emphasises
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 that air pollution and greenhouse gas emissions have become pressing concerns.
For instance
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, one might refer to major cities that suffer from traffic congestion and poor air quality, which illustrates the potential drawbacks associated with
this
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 perspective.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to underscore that excessive consumerism plays a significant role in
this
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 discussion.
This
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 assertion is supported by the fact that the mass production and disposal of electronic goods contribute to resource depletion and environmental degradation, thereby providing a clearer understanding of the complexities involved. In conclusion, an analysis of the differing perspectives on the widespread ownership of televisions,
cars
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, and refrigerators highlights the complexities surrounding modern convenience and societal well-being. On one hand, these items undeniably enhance the quality of life and personal freedom.
Conversely
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, they
also
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 contribute to environmental problems and promote unsustainable consumerism. Ultimately,
it is clear that
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while
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 the advantages are significant, the disadvantages to
society
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 tend to outweigh them in the long run.
This
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 examination prompts
individuals
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 to consider the broader impact of their consumption choices on the environment and
society
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.

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task response
Task response: The essay covers the topic and shows a view. It would be better to give stronger reasons and more facts to back up the view.
task response
Task response: Each idea could be a bit more specific; add more points about how the items affect life and society.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The flow is good with clear links. Shorter sentences and more direct links would help.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Try to keep one main idea per paragraph and use linking words to show the order.
content
Clear view on the issue.
structure
Good structure: intro, two body parts, and conclusion.
examples
Examples connect to the point about food and travel.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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