IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, everyone wants to have a TV, a car, and a refrigerator. Do the disadvantages to society outweigh the advantages?

In recent years, the issue of the convenience and
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 of automation in society has emerged as a matter of significant concern to the general public.
While
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 some individuals maintain that
mechanics
Use synonyms
 has many choices for society, I contend that.
In addition
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,
mechanics
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 bring
to
Change preposition
apply
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people's enthusiasm.
This
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 essay aims to provide a comprehensive analysis of the differing viewpoints. On the one hand, it is essential to recognise that individuals should acknowledge the significant benefits associated with the use of computers,
such
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 as
TV
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
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, washing machines, a car, and a refrigerator , for citizens' lives. A crucial consideration is to improve the quality of life, which highlights that day by day,
mechanics
Use synonyms
 help society save time and have more time to relax and take care of their family.
In addition
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, another important point to emphasise is that the public updates daily information.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that telecommunications helps the community easily update new information with just one click and easily search for anything they want.
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to consider the opposing viewpoint that telecommunications
also
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 has many
disadvantages
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 for citizens'
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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. A significant factor to explore is that equipment causes problems for the environment, which underscores that smoke from cars and exhaust from factories pollute the environment.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to highlight that it affects human health.
This
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 assertion is supported by the fact that problem human
exertion
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energy
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cars
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in cars
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more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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, reducing the need to exercise by walking and cycling.
Moreover
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, the increasing handling of television for children’s entertainment can easily affect their mental health and cause eye problems. In conclusion, an analysis of the differing perspectives on the convenience and
disadvantages
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 of technology highlights that using equipment brings many benefits and
also
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 has several
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 for human life. Ultimately,
it is clear that
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 the
mechanics
Use synonyms
 adoption synonyms It is important to
handling
Wrong verb form
handle
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 synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and
exercise
Verb problem
use
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 the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary , and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
Correct pronoun usage
It bring
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bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 more
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 than advantages to citizens' growth.
This
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 examination prompts individuals to thoughtfully consider the preferences and the experiences that influence their enjoyment.

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task response
Plan your essay first. State your view clearly at the start and keep a clear line of why you think one side is better.
coherence
Use short, clear sentences. Avoid long, messy lines. Make each sentence follow the idea of the paragraph.
coherence
Use simple connect words to show order: first, then, but, also, in addition, however.
coherence
Make a clear intro that restates the topic and your view. Then have a short conclusion that restates your point.
coherence
Give real, simple examples and link them to your point. Name one impact of automation and tell why it matters.
language
Check grammar and spelling. Watch words like 'mechanics' vs 'machines'. Keep to common, easy words.
content
The essay shows a effort to talk about both sides of the topic.
content
There are good ideas about time saving and how people act.
structure
Some parts use links to join ideas and show plan.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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