IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. do the advantage of this situation outweight disadvantages?

In today's fast-paced world, the balance between young and elderly
people
Use synonyms
 plays an important role in shaping society. Some
people
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 believe that the growing number of young adults has positive effects,
while
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 others think that older generations are more valuable for cultural and social stability.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before giving
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
show examples
 opinion. On the one hand, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in maintaining family traditions and cultural values. They help to keep families united and teach younger members the importance of respect, patience, and empathy. Their life experience provides emotional stability and valuable guidance, especially during difficult times.
For instance
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, many
people
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 visit their grandparents during the holidays to spend quality time together and learn from their wisdom.
Moreover
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, older generations preserve cultural heritage and connect the past with the present, which helps societies remember their identity.
On the other hand
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, the increasing number of young
people
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also
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 brings several advantages to society. Young adults are energetic, creative, and open to change, which helps them adapt quickly to new technologies. Their innovative ideas often lead to economic growth and modernisation.
Furthermore
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, young
people
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 are more willing to take risks and explore new opportunities, which encourages progress and development. In conclusion, both young and elderly
people
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 have unique strengths that are essential for a healthy society. A successful nation should value and support both generations equally.

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task-management
State a clear yes or no. The prompt asks if the good points of young people outweigh the bad. Say a clear view and back it with strong reasons.
content
Give one strong example for each side. The note about grandparents is good; add more fact or example to back up points.
cohesion
Use simple links to show how points connect. Use words like first, also, but, in addition, for example.
grammar
Check small mistakes. 'the holidays' is needed and a few word choice errors can be fixed.
structure
Make the flow clear: intro, view 1, view 2, and a final line that states your view.
structure
The essay uses 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' well to show two sides.
content
There is an introduction and a conclusion that frame the topic.
content
Ideas are kept near the topic and are easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • young people
  • old people
  • jobs
  • work
  • economy
  • growth
  • money
  • tax
  • housing
  • education
  • health care
  • pensions
  • policy
  • government
  • plan
  • future
  • age
  • market
  • change
  • problem
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • balance
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