IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activites. Does this situation have more advantage or more disadvantages?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that working for a long time and having less time for leisure is beneficial,
where
Correct word choice
while
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others
denied
Wrong verb form
deny
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 that.
Although
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 both sides have positive and negative aspects and
this
Linking Words
 essay will
disscuse
Correct your spelling
discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both. It is true to say that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 one who works for a long time has
neumerous
Correct your spelling
numerous
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
. Long-term
work
Use synonyms
 experience provides money and good working
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
For example
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
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 in Japan and
Chaina
Correct your spelling
China
 can
work
Use synonyms
 for
long
Correct word choice
longer
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 hours than many other
people
Use synonyms
 from all over the world.
As a result
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, they get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to
work
Use synonyms
 in
verious
Correct your spelling
various
 projects
froms
Correct your spelling
from
 other developed countries
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 them money.
Moreover
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, it gives
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to interact with
people
Use synonyms
 and expand social network. Study found that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 experience
to maintain
Change preposition
in maintaining
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 a
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 duration,
blased
Correct your spelling
associated
 with a strong social bond.
Furthermore
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,
One
Fix capitalization
one
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 who
involve
Wrong verb form
is involved
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 in
work
Use synonyms
 has less psychological
truma
Correct your spelling
trauma
.
In
Change preposition
For
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 instance, it can be seen that many older
people
Use synonyms
 from developed countries, like the USA, join
for
Change preposition
apply
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a new part-time job after their
retairement
Correct your spelling
retirement
. So it can be said that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 has a lot of positive sides.
On the other hand
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,
picture
Correct article usage
a picture
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 has
and
Correct word choice
apply
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an other
Use the right word
another
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 side as well.
so
Fix capitalization
So
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 much
work
Use synonyms
 pressure can
disrup
Correct your spelling
disrupt
 mental health. Research shows that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 one who
Use synonyms
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
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 without
break
Correct article usage
a break
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face
Correct subject-verb agreement
faces
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 mental illness
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to a person who
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
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break
Correct article usage
a break
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 from
work
Use synonyms
. Taking
break
Correct article usage
a break
show examples
 and having leisure
refresh
Correct subject-verb agreement
refreshes
show examples
mide
Correct your spelling
me
also
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.
Moreover
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,
workholic
Correct your spelling
workaholic
people
Use synonyms
 have less family
bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
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 and
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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. If someone
always
Verb problem
is always
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 busy with their job, they will gradually
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their personal relations. Statistics
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
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,
Correct word choice
that, at
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at
Change preposition
in
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 the end,
people
Use synonyms
 who only
proritise
Correct your spelling
prioritise
work
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 ultimately live alone.
To conclude
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, there are some negative sides of
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
work
Use synonyms
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, by taking a short break can fix them.

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structure
Plan your answer. State the sides, then give a clear view at the end.
linguistic
Use simple, common words. Check spellings and wrong word choices.
coherence
Make each paragraph focus on one idea. Start with a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Link ideas with simple connect words (and, but, also, then) to show clear flow.
content
Give a real example and explain how it supports your point.
content
You show both sides and give some reasons.
structure
There is a conclusion that states a view.
content
Some examples are given to back ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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