IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, in many countries,
people
Use synonyms
 have longer life expectancy compared to the past. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that an ageing population causes challenges for governments,
whereas
Linking Words
 others think that there are advantages if society has more elderly
people
Use synonyms
. Having more elderly
people
Use synonyms
 has several benefits.
For example
Linking Words
, the society can learn from
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 experience and knowledge
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can work as
counselors
Change the spelling
counsellors
show examples
 with
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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, but it
also
Linking Words
 has some drawbacks.
For example
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 must provide them with a monthly
salary
Use synonyms
 even if they do not work.
In addition
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, they need
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good medical care provided by the
government
Use synonyms
. A major disadvantage of longer lives is that the elderly need someone to take care of them
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Linking Words
also they
Correct word order
they also
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 need many medicines because of their age.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should allocate money to give them their
salary
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, these are basic rights for them, as they work with the
government
Use synonyms
 to improve the country for decades.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Japan, the number of young
people
Use synonyms
 is less than that of the elderly;
therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 spend a large amount of money on their
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 even though the
government
Use synonyms
 does not have enough manpower.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, one of the benefits of having more elderly
people
Use synonyms
 in the community is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the amount of knowledge and experience they have.
This
Linking Words
 is because
the
Use the right word
they
show examples
 faced many troubles and they know how to respond
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can advise young
people
Use synonyms
 to avoid some mistakes they have
done
Verb problem
made
show examples
 before. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in life expectancy has benefits, as we can learn from
elderly's
Correct article usage
the elderly's
show examples
 experience.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, it has some negative aspects because governments should give them
Use synonyms
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
 and health care, which costs governments a large amount of money.

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structure
Make a clear plan at the start. Show your view and what you will say in a short intro. End with a definite conclusion that states your view.
development
Give each idea more detail. Add one or two facts or examples to back each point.
argument
Balance the two sides. Keep a steady view in the end.
language
Use simple, short sentences. Check grammar and spell basic words.
coherence
Use basic linking words (and, but, also, however, so) to show how ideas fit.
content
You talk about the topic and give a view.
example
There is an example about Japan.
structure
There is a short end that sums up the idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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