IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Directors and managers of organizations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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While
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leaders
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 of most organizations are elderly, some people think that it will be better if more young generations are chosen to lead an organization.
Although
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 there are more and more excellent young
leaders
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 globally, I am strongly convinced that the older should be a priority because they are not only more qualified and calm enough to build a strong organization but
also
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 have good relationships to develop a firm stably. There is no doubt that senior directors and managers who have a lot of experience and a good reputation will help to build a corporation
that is
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 united and has sustainable
development
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. In
this
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 globalization age nowadays, especially a period with a lot of crises and hazards, a leader who has the ability to keep an organization in stable
development
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 is preferable compared to a director who can develop one corporation more rapidly but at more risk.
For example
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,
leaders
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 of most countries, especially big nations, are all above 40, and some are even 60 or 70 years old. They have proved that experienced ones usually guarantee a stable
development
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, with less risk and more sustainability.
Furthermore
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, older
leaders
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also
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 have more valuable relationships, which are really crucial to the
development
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 of a business or an associate. Corporations or organizations have a long history proved to put priority on reliable partners that have good relationships with them for a long period because choosing new partners means that they will have to face up with instability. In conclusion, despite the fact that there are more and more brilliant young
leaders
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 all over the world, senior directors and managers are still making up the majority, and I believe that the elderly will still have a vital role in businesses
as well as
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 in non-profit associations.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly outline the reasons for your position in the introduction to guide the reader through your argument. While your points are made, they could be better linked back to your thesis throughout the essay.
task achievement
Expand a bit on the examples provided to firmly anchor your arguments. This will contribute to a more rounded discussion and your reader will understand your points better.
coherence and cohesion
Some phrases could be simplified for clarity, e.g., 'senior directors and managers who have a lot of experience and a good reputation' could be more succinctly expressed.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and is well structured, with a logical flow of ideas from the introduction to the conclusion.
task achievement
You have effectively used specific examples that support your argument, especially the reference to leaders over 40 in big nations, which adds credibility to your claims.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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