the chart shows the number of visitors to a local cinema according to age in 2000.

The pie charts

displays

Correct subject-verb agreement

display

show examples

data regarding the figures of visitors to a local

movies

Fix the agreement mistake

movie

show examples

by considering their age in the year

Change preposition

apply

show examples

2000.

Overall

Linking Words

, it is observed that the age of people who visited the cinema is

devided

Correct your spelling

divided

Change preposition

into

show examples

five groups, which

Use synonyms

ages

Wrong verb form

aged

show examples

55 and older

Use synonyms

group made

Wrong verb form

making

show examples

up the overwhelming

majorit

Correct your spelling

majority

of visitors

but

Punctuation problem

, but

show examples

the

group

Use synonyms

of people

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

aged 31 to 45 got the smallest

precentage

Correct your spelling

percentage

. As illustrated by the chart, the largest proportion of people who visited the cinema was the 55 and older

group

Use synonyms

, which made up 51%.

While

Linking Words

the

ages

Use synonyms

10 to 15

was

Correct subject-verb agreement

were

show examples

the second biggest

group

Use synonyms

by 21% proportion.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, the

ages

Use synonyms

16-20 had the lower segment of a quarter. which

higher

Verb problem

is higher

show examples

than the two other groups.

However

Linking Words

, the

ages

Use synonyms

21-30 and 31-45 groups contributed a small minority

overall

Linking Words

, the first

group

Use synonyms

with a larger ratio of 8% and the second

group

Use synonyms

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

is the

ages

Use synonyms

31 to

Punctuation problem

45,

show examples

has made the lowest segment of the visitors to the local cinema.

freshtafarhang99

Oct 22, 2025

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words ages, group with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

168 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some people argue that professionals such as doctors and engineers should be required to work in the country where they received their training, while others believe they should be free to work anywhere they choose. This essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own view.
6.5
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?
These days, in some nations, people are turning to gathering information about the history of their houses or buildings. In my opinion, this can foster a sense of identity and help with the efficient utilization of houses or buildings as well. I am also convinced that there are a vast number of resources to collect such data such as surfing the net or asking previous owners.
7
band
Some people believe that advertisements aimed at children should be banned. Others argue that advertisements have a positive impact on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some individuals think that children should not see any advertisements while others believe that children could be benefited from advertisements. While some people believe the former because advertisements could educate some pupils, I agree with the latter because advertisements could encourage the pupils to consume prohibited products.
7
band
Governments in many countries have recently introduced special taxes on foods and beverages with high levels of sugar. Some think these taxes are a good idea while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, the status quo that there are plenty of problems caused by consuming foods and drinks with too much sugar is worrying. Authorities in many nations have charged taxes on such products, and some believe that this is a good idea. In my opinion, asking people to pay some taxes can be a good point to decrease the habit of craving more sugar, but I believe this is not enough.
6
band
Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
In this contemporary era, most people feel that artists are paid too much money. I strongly concur with this view. In this essay, I will provide my opinion on this matter.

the chart shows the number of visitors to a local cinema according to age in 2000.

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Some people believe that advertisements aimed at children should be banned. Others argue that advertisements have a positive impact on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Governments in many countries have recently introduced special taxes on foods and beverages with high levels of sugar. Some think these taxes are a good idea while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?