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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the number of hours spend on social media by various business from 2012 to 2016. describe the chart and compares them where relevent.

The graph shows the number of hours spend on social media by various business from 2012 to 2016. describe the chart and compares them where relevent.
The bar chart illustrates the percentages of the hours spent on social
media
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 per day from
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year
Check wording
apply
show examples
2012 to
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year
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apply
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2016 on various
kind
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kinds
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 of
business
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.
Linking Words
overall
Fix capitalization
Overall
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trtend
Correct your spelling
trend
 was upward except the
year
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 of
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
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 where there was a fall
on
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in
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uses
Replace the word
usage
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 in every kind
Change preposition
of businesses
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businesses
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business
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. It is clearly seen that the large
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business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 dominate the use of social
media
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 from 2012 to 2016
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 the changes aren't that much
noticable
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noticeable
compered
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compared
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 with other
form
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forms
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 of
business
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.
Linking Words
while For
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While for
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 the small
businness
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businesses
who
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that
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 used just under 30% of the
media
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at
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in
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 the
year
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 of 2012 significantly rose at the
year
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 of 2016 was almost
the half of
Correct word order
half of the
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 total
media
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uses
Check wording
usage in 2016
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, which is
closed
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close
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 to double.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 the medium businesses started with just above the 30% and dramatically rose at the
year
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 of 2013 and
cuntinued
Correct your spelling
continued
 to
rose
Wrong verb form
rise
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 till 2016 to more than 50% ,
although
Linking Words
 in 2015 there was a drop in both types of
business
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 in terms of using social almost drove back to
it's
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its
show examples
 initial uses. As for the large
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Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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business
Punctuation problem
business,
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 their
uses
Fix the agreement mistake
use
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 of social
media
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 was highest in all years , even though
when
Rephrase
apply
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there was
fall
Correct article usage
a fall
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 in 2013.
but
Fix capitalization
But
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 growth is bearly
noticible
Correct your spelling
noticeable
nearly
Punctuation problem
, nearly
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 3%.
Linking Words
Fix capitalization
Overall
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overall
Punctuation problem
overall,
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 the large businesses influenced the most use of social
media
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 from 2012 to 2016.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words media, year, business with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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