IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The major cities in the world are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems that young people living in cities are facing with? Give solutions to these problems. (02.06.25)

Nowadays,
people
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 are increasingly concerned about the challenges young
people
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 face as major
cities
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 worldwide expand rapidly.
This
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 essay will discuss several problems encountered by young urban residents and propose potential solutions.
Firstly
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, the growth of major
cities
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 exposes young
people
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 to numerous pressures. These stem from family expectations, academic demands, work responsibilities, and social relationships. Large
cities
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 attract talented individuals, creating intense competition for university places and employment.
Consequently
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, young
people
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 often work and study excessively to secure their future. They
also
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 struggle with high living costs, commuting difficulties, and family obligations, all of which contribute to significant stress and anxiety.
Secondly
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, young
people
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 in
cities
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 face environmental and health problems. Urban areas frequently experience traffic congestion, air pollution from factories, and unsafe water sources. These conditions, combined with constant stress, increase the risk of mental health issues
such
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 as anxiety and depression.
For instance
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, the number of students suffering from psychological disorders has risen steadily in recent years, partly
due to
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 social media, where others’ lifestyles often provoke comparison and jealousy. Despite these challenges, there are effective ways to address them. Young
people
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 should
prioritize
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prioritise
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 their physical and mental well-being through regular exercise and meditation, which can reduce stress and promote positivity. They
also
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 need to balance their schedules by setting aside time for leisure activities and maintaining social connections. Sharing concerns with friends and family can provide essential emotional support and prevent burnout. In conclusion, young
people
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 in large
cities
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 face intense competition, financial strain, and environmental problems, which can lead to both physical and mental health challenges.
However
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, by adopting a healthy lifestyle,
practicing
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practising
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 mindfulness, and maintaining supportive relationships, they can better manage these pressures and achieve a healthier work-life balance in urban environments.

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coherence
Improve flow by using more linking words to join sentences and ideas.
content
Add more proof for each point, not just one example.
content
Add one more idea for both problems and the solution to show depth.
style
Use shorter sentences and common words to keep the read easy.
structure
Introduction clearly states the plan.
organization
Order is clear with First/Second points.
content
Conclusion restates main idea well.
content
Connection between city life and mental health is clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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