IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that professionals,such as doctors and engineers ,should be required to work in the country where they did their training,Others believe they should be free to work in another country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
People have different opinions about whether the professionals，
such
Linking Words
 as doctors，engineers，should
be donated
Wrong verb form
donate
show examples
 their intelligence and wisdom
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
 which taught
their
Correct pronoun usage
them their
show examples
 knowledge and
cultivate
Wrong verb form
cultivated
show examples
 them to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
talents.
Body paragraph 1
But some people believe that everybody has their
right
Use synonyms
 to choose where to
work
Use synonyms
 ， because
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is a human
right
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the one hand，a towering tree needs
lots
Use synonyms
 of
nutrient
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrients
show examples
 and water to grow
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,and in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar way,
to cultivate
Verb problem
cultivating
show examples
 a
talent
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
lots
Use synonyms
 of money and painstaking effort.
For example
Linking Words
，
firstly
Linking Words
,the
country
Use synonyms
 must pay high
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 to the industry pioneers，like the professors and scientists.
Body paragraph 3
Secondly
Linking Words
，they will
revealed
Wrong verb form
reveal
show examples
 intimate research details which may pay
lots
Use synonyms
 of efforts in
this
Linking Words
country
Use synonyms
.At
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
，the aim to cultivate
lots
Use synonyms
 of talents is to continue the
country
Use synonyms
‘s glory and achievement ，even to protect to security of the
country
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 4
On the other hand
Linking Words
，People
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 human
right
Use synonyms
 to
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
here or there.
Body paragraph 5
The workplace culture
also
Linking Words
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the
talents‘
Check wording
talent's
show examples
 loyalty index. But sometimes ,people choose to
work
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 another
country
Use synonyms
 is
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 responsibility.
For instance
Linking Words
,Yangzhenning
who
Punctuation problem
, who
show examples
 is the winner of the Nobel Prize in physics
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1957.He
given
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
 up his American citizenship and came back to China to
contributed
Wrong verb form
contribute
show examples
 his
talent
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 his home
county
Use the right word
country
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion，
Cultivating
Fix capitalization
cultivating
show examples
 a
talent
Use synonyms
 must pay
lots
Use synonyms
 of heart blood
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 the sponsor.
Therefore
Linking Words
,the
country
Use synonyms
 can formulate a principle of reasonableness to safeguard
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 own
right
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 as，making a contract to refine the year for
talent
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 for the
country
Use synonyms
 which taught them.

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task response
Be clear about your view in both the start and the end. State your own position simply.
language/grammar
Use short, correct sentences. Cut long, tricky phrases; fix grammar.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like 'also', 'but', 'however' to show how ideas are connected.
content
Choose only true or safe examples. Do not use wrong facts.
structure
Make one clear paragraph for each big idea. Start with a topic sentence.
writing mechanics
Check spelling and punctuation. Use periods and commas in the right place.
structure
The essay shows an effort to discuss two sides and a final view.
content
It mentions the cost and effort to train talent and the idea of human rights.
content
It tries to give example to support a point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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