IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe that watching the news on TV and reading newspapers is a waste of time because the news has no relevance to people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, it has become increasingly common for
people
Use synonyms
 to make rational decisions when it comes to buying a particular product and
be
Verb problem
to be
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 independent of
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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.
While
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this
Linking Words
 trend can be attributed to a blend of a rise in product awareness and social
changes
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 my
opinion
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opinion,
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 it largely represents a positive development. On the one hand, in today's modern society,
people
Use synonyms
 are usually bombarded with ads on a daily basis irrespective of their age, financial
, and
Check wording
status, and
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 racial backgrounds. Many companies hire a group of professionals who restlessly promote their
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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 or products through online gimmicks, TV ads, and billboards in order to make as much profit as possible. For many
years
Punctuation problem
years,
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people
Use synonyms
 used to fall victim to marketing traps and purchase unnecessary items
,
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;
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however
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,
nowadays
Punctuation problem
nowadays,
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 many customers have learned to make
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 calls as far as their
money
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 is concerned. Given
ever-increasing
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the ever-increasing
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 cost of living,
people
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 have started spending less
money
Use synonyms
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
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 before.
Instead
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, now they invest in their health, education, and professional careers. Gone are the times
,
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apply
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 when
people
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 were ready to spend their
last
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 pennies on stuff they saw on TV, as many individuals have become more financially educated.
On the other hand
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, recent social
changes
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 have
tranformed
Correct your spelling
transformed
 the conventional consumeristic behaviour.
To begin
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 with, now
people
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 are less attracted to brands
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they prefer quality and comfort over being socially
recognized
Change the spelling
recognised
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.
For example
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, today's youth may prefer putting on plain clothes over wearing brand
gourments
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garments
such
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 as Dior or Dolce
Gabanna
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Gabbana
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 and invest in their future. Buying luxurious cars is not a symbol of status anymore
owing
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, owing
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 to eco-friendly cars. Meanwhile, as the sales of top brands
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 decreased , their roles in
a
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the
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 consumer market
dropping
Verb problem
are dropping
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 as well, resulting in a drop in
a
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apply
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marketing.
Moreover
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, top athletes and musicians constantly call
people
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 to be more
concious
Correct your spelling
conscious
 of their purchases and
do
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apply
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not follow the crowd
blindely
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blindly
. A good case in point is Cristiano Ronaldo
who
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, who
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 removed a bottle of
Coca Cola
Use the right word
Coca-Cola
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 during the EURO
2016
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2016,
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 after which the sales of soda crashed within a few weeks.
Thus
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, now
people
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prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
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 themselves over looking nice in the eyes of others. To my mind, these
changes
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 may serve as a
catalyts
Correct your spelling
catalyst
 for a promising future since if
people
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 start saving more
money
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, they will have an opportunity to invest in themselves, pay for a better school, and donate
money
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 to
charaties
Correct your spelling
charities
 to make the World a better place. At the same time, they can travel more and have quality family time with their loved ones.
Consequently
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, the more they are satisfied with their lives, the more productive they can become. Had
people
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 become aware of it before, they would
lead
Wrong verb form
have led
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 more meaningful lives. In conclusion, it is undeniable that
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
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 used to be an integral part of
people
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's lives, forcing them to buy as
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
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 products as possible.
However
Linking Words
, it has
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changes
Replace the word
changed
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due to
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 recent social
changes
Use synonyms
 and public
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 when it comes to making a purchase. In my opinion, it is a positive development and will result in
a
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apply
show examples
better lifestyles and
brighter
Correct article usage
a brighter
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 future.

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structure
Make the flow of ideas clearer. Use one idea per paragraph and end each paragraph with a link to the next idea.
argument
State your view at the start of the essay and stay with it. Refer back to your main idea in each part.
cohesion
Use simple links (and, but, so) to show how ideas go from one to the next.
content
The writer shows a clear point of view.
structure
The essay tries to discuss both sides before giving a view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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