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Writing Samples
Band 4

With the rise of social media, many people seek validation through likes and followers. Why has this become so prevalent? What effects does this have on an individual's self-esteem and overall mental wellbeing?

In today's contemporary world, it is common to see many social media users
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are trying to get attention from their followers,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
putting too much effort. There are ongoing debates about its reasons
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and effects on
people
Use synonyms
's confidence or mental welfare.  In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
,
due to
Linking Words
 the immense development in the field of technology
digital
Punctuation problem
, digital
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 platforms
become
Verb problem
have become
show examples
 the most popular apps among others. Thanks to technological development, it is
more easy
Correct word choice
easier
show examples
 and convenient to communicate with your family and friends, even though
there are
Verb problem
they
show examples
 live far away.
For example
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays
doing
Verb problem
are in
show examples
 long-distance
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 with the help of Skype and
Whatsapp
Use the right word
WhatsApp
show examples
, as they can talk through messaging or video
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
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 whenever and wherever they want.
Additionally
Linking Words
, an ever-increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 are using social media to share their daily routines and photos to stay connected and
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 likes or more followers in terms of being popular.  
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the rise of social platforms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 several negative impacts on
user's
Check wording
users'
show examples
 both mental and physical health.
Firstly
Linking Words
, seeing other
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 perfect lifestyles and wealth can create a sense of jealousy and may reduce their self-confidence, as they would start to compare their lives with others.
For instance
Linking Words
, many Instagram influencers
trying
Wrong verb form
try
show examples
 to show their perfect lives,
although
Linking Words
 it can be fake, and
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 actions create social unrest in society.
Moreover
Linking Words
, spending too much time in front of
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 or digital gadgets
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 may lead
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
sedentary lifestyle and physical health issues, including poor posture and eyesight.  
To sum up
Linking Words
,
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 popularity of social platforms
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 to seek attention through applications, which can create mental issues
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 loss of self-esteem and unrest in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
long-term
Use the right word
long term
show examples
.

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Structure
Make a clear plan for the essay. Start with a strong idea of the topic, then explain why it is true, and finish with a short end.
Task Response
Say your main view in a clear way and keep it in the text. Make sure all ideas help that view.
Coherence
Use linking words to join ideas. Use first, next, also, but, and finally to help flow.
Coherence
Group ideas in the same part and make one main idea per part. This helps flow.
Content
Give examples that fit the point. Link each example to the point you make.
Language
Check all sentences for grammar and small mistakes. Use short, clear sentences.
Content
The essay tries to show both good and bad sides of social media.
Examples
It uses real tools like Skype and Instagram as examples.
Structure
There is a closing line that sums up.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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