IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is responsibilty of government to take care of health of citizens or citizens should take care of their own health. Give your opinion.

Governments generally take responsibility for citizens' well-being.
In particular
Linking Words
 big portion of
this
Linking Words
 burden is weighing on the
health
Use synonyms
 care system. In my view, authorities should regularly and precisely monitor the communıtıes
health
Use synonyms
 status.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 the individual's task to follow up.
This
Linking Words
 essay will focus on two sides of
this
Linking Words
 view.
Firstly
Linking Words
, community wellness is crucial for countries robustness. If people are physically and mentally in good condition,
this
Linking Words
 positive status spreads across the nation and affects all parts of it.
For instance
Linking Words
, during the pandemic, the general
health
Use synonyms
 system was checked by deadly illnesses, and
Its
Fix capitalization
its
show examples
 consequences affected the entire society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, governments tried to take stricter precautions and lots of legitimate measures were promulgated to prevent
this
Linking Words
 pandemic. Authorities' studies quickly
give
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
 positive results;
therefore
Linking Words
, general
health
Use synonyms
 rose again.
This
Linking Words
 could come to reality via the
governments'
Check wording
government's
show examples
 great efforts.
Secondly
Linking Words
, individuals should take care of themself; in
this
Linking Words
 way, they could be productive, fulfilling and physically and mentally ready for communities particular needs.
For instance
Linking Words
, assume a woman teacher who keeps her mental readiness and wellness on a high level, so her students can benefit from
this
Linking Words
 status on a great basis.
Also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 could lead to highly motivated and well-taught youth generations.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, these two issues are connected to each other with strong bonds;
additionally
Linking Words
, coordination and correlation are generally the government's role and duty.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, individuals
also
Linking Words
 behave
responsible
Replace the word
responsibly
show examples
 toward themselves and their families.
Overall
Linking Words
,
health
Use synonyms
 always matters, so either the government or individuals have some duties to keep it well. Every part of the nation is responsible for keeping and raising it.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
Fix your intro to state a clear view and keep it in the essay.
Coherence
Make each paragraph have one clear point and give one example.
Language
Use simple linking words to connect ideas.
Task response
End with a short conclusion that repeats your main view.
content
You show a view that both government and people have a duty.
examples
You use a real example (pandemic) to show health care issue.
structure
Intro hints at two sides and gives plan.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: