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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think for those who commit serious crime need to given death penalty. However, other believes there could be better alternatives to death penalty. Discuss the both point of views.

There is no denying the fact that serious crimes have a major impact on society.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that anyone who commits a dangerous crime should receive the
death
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penalty
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, there is
also
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 an argument that other alternatives could be more effective.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of the issue and express my own opinion. On one hand, supporters of the
death
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penalty
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 argue that it helps protect society from dangerous criminals.
In other words
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, if a person commits a murder and is not executed, other people might feel unsafe and lose trust in the government’s ability to protect them.
Moreover
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, capital punishment can act as a strong deterrent, making people think twice before committing serious crimes.
For example
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, in some countries where the
death
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penalty
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 is still applied, the crime rate tends to be lower because of the fear of
such
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 punishment.
On the other hand
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, it is important to remember that every human being can make mistakes, and some criminals deserve a second chance. Life imprisonment,
for instance
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, allows offenders to reflect on their actions and possibly change into better individuals.
Furthermore
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, the
death
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penalty
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 can cause pain and anger among the criminal’s family members, which might lead to more social problems or even violence. Rehabilitation and education programs could be more effective in the long term for both the offender and society. In conclusion, there is no simple answer to
this
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 complex issue.
However
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, I personally believe that the
death
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penalty
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 should be replaced with other forms of punishment, as it often creates more harm than good. Governments should focus on rehabilitation and justice rather than revenge.

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content
Add real examples from life or news to back the ideas
vocabulary
Use more plain words and keep to main idea; avoid long or hard term
coherence
Link ideas with more simple words to show why one idea follows the next
content
Clear view on both sides
structure
Good use of on one hand and on the other hand
structure
Intro and conclusion are clear
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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