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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart shows the number of visitors to six art museums in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the number of visitors to six art museums in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart showcases the
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
several art galleries in the span of the year 2011. The largest
number
Use synonyms
 of visits
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 recorded in the Louvre
Museum
Use synonyms
 in France at a whopping 9.9
million
Use synonyms
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
whilst
Punctuation problem
, whilst
show examples
 the smallest
number
Use synonyms
 recorded is in
State
Correct article usage
the State
show examples
 Hermitage Russia at slightly below 2
million
Use synonyms
 individuals coming to see it. Another
singnificant
Correct your spelling
significant
 feature can
been
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 deduced
beetween
Correct your spelling
between
 the
Metropolian
Correct your spelling
Metropolitan
Museum
Use synonyms
 in
Correct article usage
the Usa
show examples
Usa
Use the right word
USA
show examples
 and
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
Museum
Use synonyms
Uk
Correct your spelling
in the UK,
 having approximately the same
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors
Punctuation problem
, altough
show examples
altough
Correct your spelling
although
 the edifice in
Correct article usage
the Usa
show examples
Usa
Use the right word
USA
show examples
 came up with a
number
Use synonyms
 of 10
million
Use synonyms
whilst
Punctuation problem
, whilst
show examples
 the one in uk falls
slighty
Correct your spelling
slightly
 lower than 10
million
Use synonyms
.A similar pattern can be located
refering
Correct your spelling
referring
 to
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
Museum
Use synonyms
 of Korea and Museo del Prado in
Spain
Punctuation problem
Spain,
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 where the latter one has exactly 3
million
Use synonyms
guest
Fix the agreement mistake
guests
show examples
 whilst the
first
Correct word choice
former
show examples
 has slightly above that
number
Use synonyms
. As a whole, the bar chart indicates the
number
Use synonyms
 of people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
emtered
Correct your spelling
entered
 6 museums in 2011
Punctuation problem
, accentuatuanting
show examples
accentuatuanting
Correct your spelling
accentuating
 the key differences
beetween
Correct your spelling
between
 them.

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Linking words: Add some linking words.
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Linking words: Add linking words.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, museum, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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