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Writing Samples
Band 7

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for music and sports and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is no denying the fact that
talent
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 plays a crucial role in any field or profession.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that certain talents are innate, others argue that any child can work hard to become an excellent athlete or musician.
This
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 essay will analyse both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand,
talent
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 means that a person has a special natural ability that makes them stand out.
In other words
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,
people
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 often say that
talent
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 is something only a few are born with, not something that everyone can develop.
In addition
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,
talent
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 is usually easy to notice.
For example
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, if you have a brother who has been good at mathematics since the age of three, it would be clear that he possesses a natural gift in
this
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 subject.
On the other hand
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, hard work can change everything. It is
also
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 possible to say that
people
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 who train daily can develop their skills and even create their own
talent
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.
Moreover
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, in many situations,
people
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 who are naturally talented end up behind those who are more hardworking.
For instance
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, if you look at Cristiano Ronaldo as a football player, some coaches have said that he did not have much natural
talent
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, but he worked extremely hard to become one of the best players in the world. In conclusion, both natural
talent
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 and hard work are important for success.
While
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 some
people
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 are born with special abilities, consistent effort and daily training are essential to reach the highest level and achieve greatness.

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development
Use more clear examples that fit sports or music to back each point.
coherence
Link ideas with better flow from one paragraph to next.
grammar
Check small grammar and make noun-verb forms right in places.
structure
Make the start and end stronger with a clear view.
content
The writer gives both sides and a clear view at the end.
structure
Good use of on the one hand and on the other hand to show view points.
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