IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment.Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle thisproblem?

It is
argue
Wrong verb form
argued
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 that there will be more crimes after the criminals have been punished
Linking Words
firstly
Replace the word
first
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. We are supposed to handle
this
Linking Words
 issue fundamentally.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons and express my advice on how to deal with
this
Linking Words
 problem. The reasons why numerous prisoners do seem to commit crimes again when they have been discharged from prison are complex. On one hand, their family, friends and other relatives may discriminate
them
Change preposition
against them
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, which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 severe problems
on
Change preposition
with
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 mental health.
It
Correct pronoun usage
There
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 is
potential
Correct article usage
a potential
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 that they will be habitual criminal. Based on the discovery of re-offending in the USA, the proportion of mental issues is notably high
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 45%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the prisoners may have difficulty
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 because they will be fired after they commit crimes. When they can not support themselves and their family members, the
criminal
Replace the word
crime
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 rate will rise to satisfy their basic
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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. It is essential for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and
society
Use synonyms
 to handle
this
Linking Words
 urgent issue.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
 should attach importance to the education of ex-offenders, propagating the risks and outcomes
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 crime.
For example
Linking Words
, the community can hold relevant lectures. It is
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 efficient way to avoid crime.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 should enhance the healthcare of criminal psychology.
Besides
Linking Words
, the community should tackle their problems on the basic living needs.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
society
Use synonyms
 should offer them opportunities to apply
jobs
Change preposition
for jobs
show examples
, solving
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 economic issues basically and giving
the
Correct pronoun usage
them the
show examples
criminal
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
capacity to support themselves, which will decrease the probability of re-offending. In conclusion, it is necessary to solve re-offending. Not only does
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 take its responsibility, but
Linking Words
also
Correct word order
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 should
provide
Correct word order
also provide
show examples
 assistance.

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Introduction and clarity
The essay starts with a messy line and not clear idea. Make a simple plan and state your view clearly in the first lines.
Coherence
Use a simple plan: first reason, then a second reason, then what to do. Use easy link words like First, Next, Also, Then.
Content development
Grow each idea. Say how each point leads to more crime and how the fix helps. Use short and clear sentences.
Language accuracy
Check grammar and word use. Use 'discriminate against', 'likely', 'economic problems', 'jobs' instead of hard forms.
Conclusion
Add a final sentence that restates the main idea and leaves a final thought.
Content
The topic is clear and the writer sticks to the idea of re-offending.
Structure
There is a plan to give reasons and then give tips to fix the issue.
Ideas
The writer gives real ideas like education and job help to cut crime.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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