IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment.Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle thisproblem?

There is no special
that
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reason that
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 a lot of
offenders
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 commit even more crimes after the first punishment. Meanwhile, it raises
high
Correct word choice
close
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 attention in our community and scholars in different fields,
for example
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, administration, social security and education,debate a lot about it.In my opinion,it occurs
due to
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 many reasons.
To begin
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 with, the punishment is not so heavy that
offenders
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 consider the pay for their crimes is small
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they don'
t
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 form
a
Correct article usage
the
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 thought that they shouldn'
t
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 do it next time.
This
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 is mainly because the law is not
complished maturally
Correct your spelling
completed naturally
 and the institution which is responsible for the operation of punishment
don'
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doesn't
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t
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 work very well. What's more, the education to instruct people when they first offend rules is
insifficient
Correct your spelling
insufficient
 that
offenders
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 can'
t
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 realise their fault and
don'
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don't
T
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 know what's the right thing,
therefore
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, next time, they are more likely to do the same bad thing.
Whereas
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, we have plenty of solutions to avoid
this
Linking Words
 thing
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
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 again as much as possible. The first thing we should do is to modify and regulate our laws to reach the effort we want to make in punishing the
offenders
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.If
offenders
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 know the payment for their crimes
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 too heavy, they will pay more attention to their actions and prevent them from committing again.
In addition
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, it's
urgen
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urgent
 for governments to invest more money
on
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in
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 the study of educating
offenders
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 and establish
a
Correct article usage
an
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 accomplished model to help
offenders
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 recognise what's
the
Correct article usage
apply
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right and what's
the
Correct article usage
apply
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wrong
thing
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apply
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.Only
offenders
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realize
Change the spelling
realise
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 the mistake of their movements,do they follow the rules in the future.

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structure
Plan your essay. Put one main idea in each paragraph. Start with a clear topic sentence and finish with a short wrap up in that paragraph.
clarity
Be clear about your view. State your point in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion.
grammar vocabulary
Use simple, common words and keep sentences short. Check spelling and grammar to avoid mistakes.
development
Offer a real example or fact to support each main idea, or say why the idea matters.
coherence
Use linking words to show order and to connect ideas, e.g., first, also, however, in addition.
editing
Read through your essay to find long or unclear sentences and fix them.
content
The topic is set and you give some ideas about how to fix the problem.
content
You show an effort to discuss causes and steps to fix.
organization
There is an attempt to structure the essay with more than one part.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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