IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook)have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, individuals like to spend their free
time
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Linking Words
while
Change preposition
apply
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scrolling social media posts and
create
Wrong verb form
creating
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 their own content. A large number of people
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
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,
this
Linking Words
 is not a positive development for their well-being as they hardly spend
time
Use synonyms
 with their friends and families, which is not a positive development for society
also
Linking Words
, i
Punctuation problem
. I
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 completely agree with the statement and going to discuss the negatives in
forthcoming
Correct article usage
the forthcoming
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 paragraphs. First of all, the major concerning issue of these social media sites
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is
to
Change preposition
apply
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being addicted unknowingly, especially children,
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are not even
aware-of
Use the right word
aware of
show examples
when
Correct pronoun usage
it when
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 they just start feeling improper without spending
time
Use synonyms
 scrolling posts on these applications. In
beginning
Correct article usage
the beginning
show examples
, they or their parents allow them to use these
aplatforms
Correct your spelling
platforms
 to
take
Verb problem
get
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 help for their studies and projects.
However
Linking Words
, developers develop kind of algorithms that keeps showing
adds
Use the right word
ads
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 and suggestions on their screens
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they cannot stop themselves
to see
Change preposition
from seeing
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 the content suggestions.
Moreover
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, not
even
Rephrase
only
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 children, but
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 a lot of adults and aged people got indulged in
this
Linking Words
 mud
while
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 killing their free
time
Use synonyms
 doing
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 thing.
For example
Linking Words
, most of the old
individuls
Correct your spelling
individuals
 these days like to get world updates not from the qualified news channels on their
TV's
Check wording
TVs
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.
However
Linking Words
, they prefer
to
Verb problem
apply
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scrolling on the cut posts on these platforms, which
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 sometimes
resulted
Wrong verb form
results
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as
Change preposition
in
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 fake
.
Check wording
posts.
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The reason behind the inclusion of aged
poeople
Correct your spelling
people
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 is the loneliness as they have no one around to talk
, to
Change preposition
to, to
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do
Verb problem
have
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some
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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fun and to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with.
As a result
Linking Words
, they try to find their happiness from these applications, which is the biggest negative for society. In conclusion,
it is clear that
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sites like
facebook
Fix capitalization
Facebook
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 and
instagram
Fix capitalization
Instagram
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 have more drawbacks than their advantages. As people
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
show examples
 on, to make friends and share their feelings online
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 children
begins
Correct subject-verb agreement
begin
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 with study purposes.
However
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,
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at
Change preposition
in
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 the
end
Add a comma
end,
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 they have to face severe
concequences
Correct your spelling
consequences
,
such
Linking Words
 as addiction and bad social experiences.

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task response
Your answer shows you agree with the statement and you give two main ideas. But the ideas are not very well built with strong proof. Try to give clear main points in each paragraph and link them to the task.
coherence
The essay has some good links in places (First of all, Moreover, In conclusion). Work on clear topic sentences and use simple linking words.
grammar
There are many grammar mistakes and wrong word use. Focus on basics like subject-verb agreement, plural, prepositions.
lexical
Word choice is a bit off; use common words and keep accuracy.
stance
The writer clearly states a view on the topic.
content
The essay mentions real ideas like addiction and loneliness.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
What to do next:
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