IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the violence shown in movies has a damaging effect on society. But, some others are against it. To what extent do you agree to it?

In recent years, the rising popularity of violent
movies
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 a growing trend in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 a few individuals argue that it can have
detrimental
Correct article usage
a detrimental
show examples
 effect on the younger generation, others oppose it. Considering its deleterious effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. The following essay discusses the drawbacks of promoting violent
movies
Use synonyms
 in detail. Proponents of the argument
opines
Correct subject-verb agreement
opine
show examples
 that a rise in
demonstration
Correct article usage
the demonstration
show examples
 of harassment through films can lead to the depletion of humanitarian values
from
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the people. In explanation, when violence is showcased through the media, a normalisation trend sets in the
society
Use synonyms
. As an increased tendency to mimic the stunts and actions in the films as ordinary practices is noted, it can result in a significant surge in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime rates.
For instance
Linking Words
, there have been several reports of violent crimes which were exact replications of movie scenes.
In addition
Linking Words
, violence can adversely influence the children. Youngsters adore the celebrities and emulate them in everyday life.
However
Linking Words
, when they imitate their heroes in violent
movies
Use synonyms
, it can lead to damaging consequences. The news reports on teenagers
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in violent crimes at school premises, even with guns, can be cited as an example
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 it.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the morale of kids can be degraded by
such
Linking Words
 films. In conclusion, violent
movies
Use synonyms
 can not only pave towards an inhumane
society
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 demoralise children. To curb its impact, a vigilantly active censor board can scrutinise the contents of
such
Linking Words
movies
Use synonyms
 and thereby restrict
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 effect on
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, governments and schools can join
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hands in creating awareness among people,
escpecially
Correct your spelling
especially
 young kids.

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task response
Plan your essay first. Say your view at once and then give 2 or 3 clear reasons. End with a short wrap up.
coherence
Use ideas in a simple, steady way. Use small linking words to keep flow and do not mix many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence
Give one clear reason for each point and back it with a simple example.
grammar
Check small grammar points. Fix word use and tense so the text is easy to read.
content
The writer shows a clear view.
structure
There is a clear end that restates the view.
coherence
Some links help the flow of ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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